The season begins with a seriously long montage of Ali Fedotowsky in many different wardrobes, poses and varying degrees of that already-annoying laugh of hers.
I must admit that there’s something about her that rubs me the wrong way; a fellow colleague here at TheWrap (who has met Ali) had some pretty harsh words for her in an email to me a few months ago. I haven’t met Ali so I can’t judge, but I really hope that her personality eventually wins me over like Jillian’s did last season.
Anyway, through the opening five minutes, we don’t learn much about her that we didn’t already know, other than the fact that she’s really adept at handling balls. Soccer balls, people -- geez, the show hasn’t even begun and already your collective minds are in the gutter.
Before meeting Ali, we get a look at the 25 bachelors who are there to win her heart (and/or other parts of her body). The highlights: first dude we meet is Frank, and he seems like a goof but there’s something likable about him; Craig the Torontonian comes across as a total bunghole; Kyle the mountain man tells the camera “I need a woman,” just as he’s drilling a hole in the ice (man, sometimes this crap just writes itself); some wrestling dude named Justin has an alter ego named Rated R, and just for that name alone he gets the Bunghole of the Season Award; really, ABC, a weatherman? Jonathan is a weatherman; Ty just got off a divorce, AND he plays the guitar (two strikes against him already); and Chris L. is looking for a woman to replace his mom (watch out, Ali).
In the limo, the boys toast Jake for screwing up, and appear nothing if not incredibly horny for Ali, who arrives in her own Limo. She’s dressed in a lovely black dress and is rockin’ some hair extensions giving the impression that she’s trying to look like Britney Spears. Chris rehashes the job situation from The Bachelor and blah blah blah can we please move on from this? Ali states how she really wants the boys to be here for the right reasons and hopes she’s smart enough to differentiate from honesty and deception.
After commercial, the boys pull up. Some highlights: Yeahhh, Vancouver is representin’ with Chris H.! Jesse from Peculiar, MO makes a very bad joke. The Frank dude that I originally thought was kinda cool proves me wrong by jumping out the top of the limo. Wrestler dude limps out in crutches and hops up the stairs. Did Jay the lawyer just call her Sweetie? Bad news, Ali. Uggg … My wife asks where the super hot dudes are … Some dude (whose name I care not to rewind and fetch) actually prefaces his opening speech with, “So check this out ...” Next!
Outdoors guy mimes a fishing rod to reel her in and she falls for it hook, line and sinker. Roberto speaks some Spanish, which works big time on Ali’s libido.
