A Pair of ‘Dance’ Losers — and Then There Was Katie Holmes

Last night’s 100th episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” left me with a lot of unanswered questions. At the top of the list: Where can I get a sequined black and gold tiger dress like Cat Deeley’s? (Go RHS Golden Tigers!) Oh, and I had a few thoughts about the eliminations as well. […]

Last night’s 100th episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” left me with a lot of unanswered questions.

At the top of the list: Where can I get a sequined black and gold tiger dress like Cat Deeley’s? (Go RHS Golden Tigers!)

Oh, and I had a few thoughts about the eliminations as well. I’ll cut right to it. Melissa and Ade’s touching breast cancer routine to Maxwell’s version of “This Woman’s Work” pretty much earned them a free pass for the week. I mean, let’s face it. It’s pretty hard to hate a dance about cancer.

Let’s just hope that the other choreographers don’t employ this “social message” strategy for their teams, though. Yes, pieces about child abuse and alcoholism can be very poignant, but they just don’t seem to allow for enough jazz hands or sequins.

My favorite guy, Broadway-style dancer Evan, was safe, as was Jeanine. (Surprising since I would’ve voted her off just for wearing that hideous yellow waltz costume.)

In the hot seat for the guys were Brandon and Jason, each adorable and talented in his own way. I have to say that while the judges raved about Brandon and Jeanine’s pop jazz routine to Jordin Sparks’ Pat Benatar rip-off “Battlefield,” it was Jason and Kayla’s zombie-themed number that really got my attention. Because of clearance issues, it’s probably the closest thing we’ll get to a “Thriller” homage and, well, zombie dances are just so fun. Way more fun than numbers where the choreographer says, “There is no story. The story is you.” (“Battlefield”) What kind of hippy propaganda is that?

Unfortunately, America did not agree with me and sent Jason home.

As for the women, it was tamale against tamale as Janette and Kayla were up for elimination. No one can deny that Kayla is gorgeous and that her leaps and turns are perfection — but sometimes perfection can be a little boring. Granted, she’s only 18 and she has time to grow a personality, but I’d like to see a little more sparkle (and I don’t just mean on her costumes).

Janette, on the other hand, has mucho personality. Unfortunately, it was not enough to save her. This is, after all, a dance competition. (BTW … I blame Kris Allen. I found it distracting that they used his version of Kanye’s “Heartless” for their rhumba. My inner monologue went something like this: “Is that Kris Allen? It totally is! I remember when he did this on ‘Idol. ..'")

The episode also featured reprises of Emmy-nominated dances from seasons past, including “The Hummingbird and the Flower” and the “bench” routine. Head and shoulders above both of these, however, was the Wade Robson “Ramalama” group number. Like Jason and Kayla’s Wednesday night piece, this one also had a zombie theme, except these zombies seemed to be out of straight out of “Oliver Twist.” Or maybe “Moulin Rouge.” (It’s hard to tell with the undead.)

 

It was far more memorable than the Tron-tastic group number from Wednesday night, and it will probably give me nightmares for the next two weeks. That’s entertainment! (As a footnote, the “One” routine from “A Chorus Line” was also very good but overshadowed by the Robson performance.)

Finally, I can’t recap the show without mentioning Katie Holmes’ “Get Happy” song and dance performance.

 

What? You’ve never thought of Katie Holmes as Broadway material? Need I remind of when Joey sang “On My Own” in the Miss Windjammer Pageant on “Dawson’s Creek”? I rest my case.

She did an acceptable job vamping around the stage in a “Chicago” kind of way, but I’ll say it again: I like my performers to sing live. I know it’s a dance show, but come on!

"BIG BROTHER 11" ELIMINATION

I am both embarrassed and elated to report that I have given in and signed up for the “Big Brother” live feed. Now if only I could figure out how to use it …

Interesting. Ronnie had nominated Laura for eviction because she was onto his evil (nerdy) genius schtick and he was threatened by her surprising intellect and strategy.

Laura then used said intellect and strategy to persuade Ronnie (ironically, a “national champion” in persuasive speaking) that it would be in his best interest to evict Jordan, because she is in not-to-secret cahoots with her “Big Brother” BFF, Jeff. (Ha, that rhymes!)

In the HOH room, Ronnie held court with a handful of his pawns. (Newsflash, people! If you’re not in the HOH room, chances are you’re probably being plotted against.) Ronnie threw Russell under the bus saying that he was campaigning to get Laura to stay. Natalie thought this sounded fishy and immediately went downstairs to tattle.

What happened next was, in one word, amazing. The whole house, led by Russell and Laura, ganged up on Ronnie, calling him out on his lies. The only things missing were the torches and pitchforks (and maybe a “Kill the Beast” chorus from “Beauty and the Beast”).

While I can see why they were mad at being outsmarted, I don’t understand why they were mad at him for lying. Isn’t lying what this game is all about?

Regardless, right or wrong, Ronnie retired to his room until eliminations, surviving on Sour Patch Kids and, of course, “Legally Blonde: The Musical.” While he later claimed he hid out mainly to garner sympathy, the image of him crying as he held a photo of his wife and cat (both in Santa hats, natch) told a different story. Oh, and between sniffles, he actually asked the photo, “What should I do?” OK, you know there are cameras on you. Try not to act like such a wuss.

In the end, as Jordan and Laura sat side by side in slutty dresses (OK, maybe it was more the fake boobs than the actual dresses), it was Laura who was sent home. Strangely, Natalie was the only one who voted to keep her. I’m not sure what sort of strategy that was.

The HOH competition involved a modified skee-ball game. Instead of cashing in your 800 tickets for a kazoo or keychain, though, the person to land the ball in the hole with the highest points value won HOH. It came down to Jeff and Jessie and in a tiebreaker, Jessie regained control of the house.

While it seems obvious that Ronnie will be up on the block next week, it could be a better strategy to keep him around, knowing that he won’t regain control. My guess is that they’ll try to pick the Brains team off one by one.

After all, Jessie has a crush on Natalie and has been fooling around with Lydia. Oh, you didn’t know about Natalie? Stay tuned for my live feed updates. The real story is the story that CBS doesn’t air …