The Dirtiest Jokes From Donald Trump's Comedy Central Roast

The Donald is skewered at a taping that featured stand-up from Larry King, Snoop Dogg and a bad “Situation”

Donald Trump — the impossibly-coiffed billionaire mogul, reality show host and would-be presidential hopeful — was given his long overdue Comedy Central Roast at a taping in New York last night.

And compared to the network’s other celebrity “Roasts,” the lineup for this one was pretty tame: “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane served as the roastmaster, with comedians and Roast veterans Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, newcomers Whitney Cummings and Anthony Jeselnik joining Larry King, Snoop Dogg, Marlee Matlin and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” at a packed Hammerstein Ballroom.

But the lack of star power didn’t diminish the comedy.

“Donald says he wants to run for president and move on to the White House,” Snoop said. “Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.”
    
“It’s safe to say everything Trump touches turns to gold,” MacFarlane said while welcoming the iconic Trump to the stage. “Especially the Miss Teen U.S.A. contestants he pees on.”

The censor-testing material only got filthier from there.

"When Trump bangs a supermodel," MacFarlane noted, "he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off."

"You've put up more worthless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly," Lampanelli said, adding: "Your face is so bloated with a hairpiece, I'm surprised you're not married to Kelly Preston pretending you're not gay.”

MacFarlane later called Trump “the second worst tragedy ever to hit New York City.”

Even Larry King managed to be edgy.

"If you're 71 percent black,” King told Snoop Dogg, “You're 29 percent not guilty."

"That's all the time we have," King said at the end of his roast. "Let's go to Anderson Cooper and see what she's got coming."

King himself was the target of plenty of jabs. "Larry King is so old, he's one of the Jews that killed Christ," Lampanelli said.

In fact, all of Trump’s roasters were sharp — with the notable exception of “The Situation,” who was booed during his set. (Ross attempted to bail out the MTV reality star by showing off his own scotch-filled, ab-less belly, but it didn’t quiet the jeers from the crowd.)

Trump was skewered by the group for three hours — though Comedy Central will cut it down to about an hour when it airs on March 15. And it will be very interesting to see how much of the blue material makes it air. (A preview clip of MacFarlane's introduction, featuring the Miss U.S.A. "pee" and 9/11 jokes, has already been pulled from Comedy Central's website.)

When Trump finally got his turn, he got some revenge on his roasters, including Snoop.

“Snoop personally ended the East Coast/West Coast rap feud by becoming totally irrelevant.”