We've Got Hollywood Covered

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. The trailer for “Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus” has the interwebs (320,000 views in 48 hours) laughing their asses off this week. Almost as good? Star Debbie Gibson’s interview, in which she confirms that she’s still stuck in the 1980s. "I was looking at the video numbers, and the trailer has been watched hundreds of thousands of times. I'm like, 'Oh my God!',” she said to MTV News. Expect the DVD to sell out when it’s released Tuesday. Liquor stores and bong shops should also do brisk business.

2. But "MSVGO" is already set to be eclipsed in the awesome-ridiculous stakes by Russell Mulcahy’s next movie, “Bait." How’s this for a synopsis? “The film is set in a coastal town where a freak tsunami floods and traps shoppers in a supermarket with an armed maniac and a pack of hungry tiger sharks that have been washed into the building.” And it’s gonna be 3-D. After “Give ‘Em Hell Malone,” Mulcahy might be on the path to a comeback.

3. “World of Warcraft” just got a little nerdier, if that’s humanly possible, with a self-contained playpod unveiled this week. I used to know a guy who let his relationship dwindle to dust because he was so obsessed with getting something called “the breastplate of annihilation." I am betting he’s trying to buy one of these now. No need to break play when nature calls! Hmmm, freeze dried food!

4. “The Princess and the Frog” cops flak for supposedly being racist. How about praise for being one of the only American animated flicks in recent memory with a female protagonist? And an African-American female protagonist at that.

5. Aussie Sam Worthington, about to be unleashed on the world in “Terminator Salvation," is in “every scene” of James Cameron’s “Avatar." No pressure then.

6. From the cunning stunts department: an Aussie filmmaker has advertised for virgins so he can make a documentary about them auctioning their cherries online. Cut to the chaste! Unsurprisingly, he’s getting death threats.

7. “Fright Night” and “Cliffhanger” to be remade. What not save us all some time and combine them into a movie about ice-mountain climbers attacked by high-altitude vampires? “Frighthanger” of “Nightcliff."

8. Why is Hollywood obsessed with remakes when there are so many life rights to acquire? An Indian man who hasn’t washed for 35 years and who likes to stand on one foot and smoke dope because he has seven daughters but desperately wants a son? I’m saying Tom Hanks in “The Terminal” mode is perfect for this dramatic comedy. And after “Slumdog Millionaire”, India is so hot right now! And who could go past a New Zealand-set comic drama about a meth-addicted folk hero fugitive? Especially as “Billy The Hunted” would be the perfect role for David Spade, assuming he still has the “Joe Dirt” wig.

9. Samuel L. Jackson is to play Andrew Mwangura, who brokers the release of ships seized by Somali pirates. An insider tells me the script will include the line: “I’m sick of these motherfucking pirates on this motherfucking hydroplane.”

10. “The Road” trailer makes John Hillcoat’s adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s bleak bestseller look a bit like a Roland Emmerich film. Hey, if it gets an audience in, I can forgive that, because otherwise megaplex moviegoers might give it a wide berth. Ignore the hype and look at the footage — it could be the best film of the year.