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Bill Maher Imagines Future Headlines From His Summer Break: ‘All Musicians on Earth Demand Trump Stop Playing Their Music’

”Real Time“ host is taking a month off

During Friday night’s episode of “Real Time,” Bill Maher announced that the show will be taking the month of July off (but only because it’s his usual summer break). And before he left, Maher brought back his usual pre-vacation gag, a list imagined future headlines he’s pretty sure could happen while he’s gone.

What followed was a list of stuff that, we’re forced to admit, sound pretty scarily possible — plus a clearly tuckered out Maher occasionally flubbing the punchlines. For your convenience, we’ll just list the fake headlines below:

“Trump declares end of coronavirus as he’s hospitalized for coronavirus.”

“Border wall now keeping American from escaping to Mexico.”

“Trump says Fourth of July celebrates American independence, ‘but most people don’t know that.'”

“Lindsey Graham debuts one-man show ‘Lindsay with a Y.'”

“Airport Sbarro reopens with the same two calzones from April.”

“Trump shoots men on 5th Avenue, aides claim he was just joking.”

“All musicians on Earth demand Trump stop playing their music at his rallies,” though Maher accidentally pronounced it like it rhymed with “allies,” before correcting himself.

“Protesters demand Village People replace cop with social worker. Very predictable.”

“Police free up 9/11,” Maher said before correcting himself “I mean, police free up — I’m losing it. We’re going on vacation. Police free up 9-1-1 by introducing ‘Karen Hotline.'”

“And Trump’s doctor writes tell all book, ‘Penicillin Can’t Cure Stupid.'”