Over the last three years, people have frequently compared Donald Trump unfavorably to the last Republican president to preside over a series of wholly preventable disasters — George W. Bush. Specifically, it’s common for people to say very nice things about the 43rd president and suggest he would have handled these disasters well., especially given how the response to the COVID-19 pandemic is going.
But on “Real Time” Friday, Bill Maher wasn’t having it, and during the mid-show bit, he made it plain when he said he thinks the 43rd president would have been almost as bad as he thinks Trump is.
The joke came at the end of a frequent Bill Maher routine, “I don’t know it for a fact, I just know it’s true,” something he hasn’t done in a while. Rather than belabor the point, we’ll just list them all for you below (or watch them in the clip above):
“I don’t know it for a fact that quarantine self-haircuts are better than what you’d get at Fantastic Sams. I just know it’s true.
I don’t know it for a fact that people are going to f–k their first Tinder match after quarantine, I just know it’s true.
I don’t know it for a fact that employees at Sears have no idea there’s been a lockdown, I just know it’s true.
I don’t know it for a fact that the Kardashians are deciding which sister to sacrifice to the virus to stay relevant [laughs] that’s very mean, I’m just kidding.
I don’t know it for a fact that Dr. Birx cries in her car. I just know it’s true.
I don’t know for a fact that Melania tells Trump, ‘Not tonight, I might be asymptiomatic (sic). Asymptiomatic? Something like that.
I don’t know it for a fact that Lou Dobbs drinks his hot dog water. Not really related to the crisis, but sort of.
I don’t know it for a fact that you’ve been through so many categories on Pornhub you’re thinking of clicking on the one where the chicks are giants! [laughs] I haven’t heard about that one.
I don’t know it for a fact that somewhere a Jewish mother is complaining to her son, ‘You never call. You never Zoom.’ I just know that one’s true.
I don’t know it for a fact that your wife thinks about Gavin Newsom during sex. It’s true.
And I don’t know for a fact that Bush would have f—ed this up too. Not as bad. But he would’ve.”
Earlier in the show, during the monologue, per usual Maher ran through a grab bag of topics drawn from the week’s news. For instance, Cinco de Mayo, “or as we call it here in Hollywood: Cultural Appropriation Day,” about which he said “Trump supporters, they love Cinco de Mayo. They celebrated this year by putting salt on the rim of their disinfectant.” A reference, of course, to the time Trump literally suggested people could fight coronavirus by injecting disinfectant into their lungs. (You can’t. Don’t do that.)
“Of course if you really want to get high you gotta eat the worm at the bottom of the Windex bottle, that’s how you really. Look, I love that holiday, always have. Lived out here for a long time. I partied by myself. I did. I was in the kitchen. I made tacos and guacamole and margaritas,” Maher continued. “I wrecked the whole place. I was like, ‘You know what? I’m gonna leave this for the cleaning lady.’ Then I remembered: I’m the cleaning lady.”
Maher also talked about the disturbing news about the possibility that Asian giant hornets have been established in North America. “Did you see this? — we’re getting an invasion of Asian murder hornets. That’s what they’re calling it in the press because they never try to scare people. Asian murder hornets. Trump said ‘Impossible, I banned their flights in January.'”