The big world news event at the moment is the G7 summit, which began on Friday and continues on Saturday. It’s not a very happy meeting of world leaders, though, because President Donald Trump just issued tariffs against all the other attending countries for reasons no one really understands. And to begin his monologue on “The Late Show” Friday night, Stephen Colbert made fun of Trump extensively for creating this situation.
“I don’t know if you know this, but Donald Trump has left the country,” Colbert said as he opened the show. “He is on his first international visit to a hostile foreign power: Canada. He’s attending the G7 summit in Charlevoix, Quebec — or as Trump calls it, ‘Beaver France.’ It’s going to be awkward — a little awkward — because Donald Trump imposed steel and aluminum tariffs on all the other six countries in the G7, and now he’s going to have a summit with them. That’s like saying, ‘Hey, Frank, Bill, Tom, Tony, George, I’m sleeping with all your wives, you still up for the fishing trip this weekend? Ask her to make sandwiches. she makes a great sandwich.’
“In response, last week the other six countries signed a sharp condemnation of the president’s tariffs,” Colbert continued, as he slipped into an impression of a European leader. ” ‘Yes, a sharp condemnation. And if you do not stop zee tariffs, we will send you a pointy disagreement. Pokey, poke, poke!’ The rift is so big that some allies are calling the summit, ‘the G6 plus one.’ ”
Then Colbert switched to a Trump impression.
“‘Hold on, nobody told me there was going to be math. I’m outta here.’ Plus, Trump says he is diametrically opposed on many key issues with his counterparts and does not want to be lectured by them. Those nerds from Europe are insufferable. ‘Well, actually, Mr. Trump, free trade is good for everyone, global warming is destroying our planet, and a bidet is not a drinking fountain. But do go on. Let me get my iPhone,’” Colbert said as he mimed pulling out a phone to record Trump saying dumb things.
“And it’s not just the tariffs. This time it’s personal. Trump has griped periodically both about German chancellor Angela Merkel, as well as British prime minister Theresa May, whom he sees as too politically correct. ‘I don’t understand that woman. She calls trucks “lorries,” elevators “lifts,” and Muslims “people.” What gives?’”
The audience did not respond kindly to that particular joke, greeting it with boos and forcing Colbert to remind everything that the joke was on Trump: “You know I’m on your side, right?”
“The point is, this summit could be a disaster. In fact, the guy chairing the G7 says, ‘Under the circumstances, I would consider this summit a success if it does not produce an open rupture between the United States and its allies…Everything else is gravy.’ To which Trump said, ‘Wait, nobody told me the G stands for gravy. I’m back in.’”
Then Colbert mimed Trump spooning a bunch of gravy into a bowl and then drinking it, saying, “Ohh” more than a dozen times as he acted it out. Then he wrapped up this portion of the monologue with a Trump tweet and a song.
“But yesterday, Trump seemed resigned to going to the summit, tweeting, ‘Isn’t it Ironic? Getting ready to go to the G7 in Canada to fight for our country on Trade (we have the worst trade deals ever made) then off to Singapore to meet with North Korea & the Nuclear Problem…But back home, we still have the 13 Angry Democrats pushing the Witch Hunt!’
“Yes, isn’t it ironic? It’s like rain on your wedding– ” Colbert began to sing, before realizing he’d botched his joke lyrics. After a lengthy break in which he wandered around the stage for a moment, Colbert tried again, getting it right this time.
“It’s like rain on your third wedding day/ a porn star that you already paid.”
You can watch this portion of Colbert’s monologue from Friday night’s episode of “The Late Show” in the video embedded at the top of this post.