Tuesday was a fairly routine day for the Trump administration, and when I say that I mean that Donald Trump gifted us yet another earth-shattering news item. This time it was that the U.S. will be backing out of the Iran nuclear deal that was intended to prevent Iran from making nuclear weapons. And on “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert continued his streak of being really, really exasperated by everything that’s going on.
“Well, after years of saying he was going to do it, he did it. And today he told us he was doing it,” Colbert said to open his monologue Tuesday night. “The Late Show” then played the clip of Trump making the announcement, saying that “the United States no longer makes empty threats. When I make promises, I keep them.”
Colbert then made a joke about how actually it’s his lawyer that keeps his promises, before getting actually mad about this thing.
“What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You literally just backed out of an American promise! Colbert exclaimed. “That’s like saying, ‘I’m no longer denying my alcoholism. Let’s drink to that!’ “
Colbert then rebutted the absurdity of Trump’s reasons for backing out of the deal, starting with the idea that the deal would merely slow down Iran’s efforts to develop a nuclear arsenal.
“So with these restrictions, Iran could possibly eventually develop a nuke. And the solution is to lift the restrictions so they can start immediately? That’s what a bad stepparent does. ‘Look, buddy, I know your old dad looked the other way when you went out and partied with your friends. Well, I’m zero tolerance. You are grounded, mister. From now on, you and your friends are locked in the basement with the liquor and the weed,’ ” the host joked.
“Trump also objected to the idea that the restraints on Iran’s centrifuges disappear after ten years, known as the ‘sunset clause.’ ‘Sunset Claus,’ by the way, is my favorite Jimmy Buffet Christmas album. So, let me see if I get this straight. Because the deal has an expiration date, he wants to kill it now. It’s like saying, ‘Well, Billy, this hamster is eventually going to die in a couple years, so we might as well flush Mr. Fluffers down the toilet now.’ “
You can watch this portion of Colbert’s monologue from Tuesday’s episode of “The Late Show” in the video embedded at the top of this post.