Stephen Colbert clearly finds GOP representative Madison Cawthorn’s claims of orgies and cocaine use among his fellow Republicans hilarious. Because he opened Wednesday’s episode of “The Late Show” with a cold open gag inspired by it, this time trying to imagine just what those orgies would even be like.
And while the imagined orgy was as “boring” as some Republicans claimed DC actually is IRL, it wasn’t so boring that attendees would let Texas Republican Ted Cruz in. Ouch.
As always, the cold open kicked off with a supercut of news explaining the premise, and so then shall we. For those catching up, on Sunday Cawthorn appeared on the “Warrior Poet” podcast, where he said this:
“Look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics. Then all of a sudden you get invited, ‘oh hey, we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come.’ What did you just ask me to come to? And then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy. Some of the people leading on the movement to try and remove addiction in our country, and then you watch them do a key bump of cocaine right in front of you.”
Republicans have since gotten kind of mad, publicly about this. Minority leader Kevin McCarthy, who has already had to “speak” to Cawthorn several times before this, was among them. Why they’re so mad about something they insist isn’t true is unclear, but mad they are. Some are also insisting they’re confused by the whole thing, including Arizona congressman David Schweikert, who said this:
“I’ve been here a decade, and besides the fact we’re just cruel to each other, at many levels, it’s one of the most boring places. Truly, it’s one of the most banal places you can imagine.”
And that, readers, is the basis of Colbert’s cold open gag, which repurposed footage from Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 erotic thriller “Eyes Wide Shut,” to imagine just how boring and banal things can get. So it is that in the repurposed clip, presented as if it’s C-SPAN footage, Republicans attending an orgy are instead running through points of order like it’s a congressional committee meeting.
They debate different kinds of sex toys and what kinds of acts will be permitted. Sen. Chuck Grassley even gets mocked for wanting to use corn as sex toys. “Look, I know you’re from Iowa, but not everyone is into corn play,” the orgy’s parliamentarian says.
Then comes a knock at the door, followed by audio clips of Texas Republican Ted Cruz saying, “I’m Ted Cruz and I wanna be in the sex party.”
“It’s Cruz! Quick, turn off the lights!” the parliamentarian says.
Watch the clip below: