With Donald Trump ramping everything up to eleven the last few weeks it’s been a little bit tough to keep track of when things became news, so if you’re like me and for some reason thought that the report about Trump claiming Canadians burned down the White House was a few days old, well, you’d be wrong because that was Wednesday. Stephen Colbert had some jokes about that whole deal, and the situation that spawned it, in his “Late Show” monologue Wednesday night.
“Last week, Trump imposed steel and aluminum tariffs on the EU, Canada, and Mexico, also known as ‘the legion of people who still like us.’ Or used to, because they’re angry now, no one more so than Canadian prime minister and Canadian prime beef, Justin Trudeau. On Sunday, Trudeau threatened that his country was slow to anger but dangerous, like one of their national symbols,” Colbert said, referring to Trudeau’s comment about Canada being like a moose.
“And the moose is striking back by imposing the same tariffs on steel and aluminum imports. But now they’ve gone farther. And it seems like they’re making it personal because look at these actual American imports they plan to tax,” Colbert continued. “Hair lacquers — clearly a shot at Don Jr. They’re going after mayonnaise, which everyone knows that’s Mike Pence’s favorite drink. And sailboats, motorboats and inflatable boats, so there goes Melania’s escape plan. But the biggest hit of all is that Canada will harshly tax imports of maple syrup. That’s right. That’s right. Canada’s going after Trump’s favorite food: topping. But the thing that really has Canada’s tuques in a tangle is that, in order to justify these tariffs, Donald Trump had to essentially declare that Canada is a security threat to the United States.”
After making a joke about Canada committing the “war crime” of Canadian quarters rarely getting mixed in with U.S. currency, Colbert got to the whole thing about Trump’s attempt to be passably familiar with history.
“But Trump’s declaration didn’t sit well with Trudeau. Turns out, in a recently revealed phone call that happened last month, Trudeau pressed Trump on how he could justify the tariffs as a national security issue, and Trump responded, ‘Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?’ Adding, ‘And if you did, tell me how you did it because when Mueller closes in, I’m torching this dump,’ ” Colbert joked.
“Now, Trump was probably referring to the War of 1812, when, in actuality, British troops burned down the White House. Still, that is shockingly almost accurate. Since when does Donald Trump know anything about American history? I thought his timeline went: ‘Washington, Lincoln, ‘Home Alone 2’, Obama born in Kenya, Frederick Douglass, me.’ “
You can watch Colbert’s monologue from Wednesday’s episode of “The Late Show” in the video embedded at the top of this post.