On Thursday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert found himself stunned but delighted by the news that former President George W. Bush accidentally admitted that his unprovoked war with Iraq was wrong.
See, on Wednesday, Bush was giving a speech in Dallas and while attempting to talk trash on Russian autocrat Vladimir Putin and the unprovoked Russian invasion of Ukraine, Bush accidentally appeared to condemn his own unprovoked war instead.
“Political opponents are imprisoned or otherwise eliminated from participating in the electoral process. The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq. I mean of Ukraine,” Bush said.
“Iraq too,” Bush (we think) joked a couple of seconds later before adding “75,” a reference to his age.
So back to Colbert, who kicked this topic off with a trip down memory lane, reminiscing about the years he spent mocking conservatives, and especially George Bush, as a fake right winger on his “The Colbert Report.” Then he explained that Bush was speaking Wednesday about “how elections work.”
“And we’ve actually acquired Dubya’s PowerPoint on how elections work,” Colbert said. “Step 1. Get fewer votes than your opponent. Step 2. have the Supreme Court hand it to you! Step 3. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.”
Colbert was of course referring to how Bush lost the popular vote in 2000, but the Supreme Court intervened to stop the legally mandated recount vote in the state of Florida in order to declare Bush the winner.
Then Colbert played the clip of Bush’s comments.
“Jiminy Christmas,” Colbert said. “The one phrase he should definitely never utter for the rest of his life! It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time and it just popped out.”
“That has got to be the worst presidential Freudian slip since JFK said this,” Colbert said as a redubbed clip of JFK’s inaugural address played.
“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask if you can do Marilyn Monroe,” the re-dubbed John F. Kennedy said.
“We do these things not because they are easy but because I am hard,” Colbert chimed in, imitating JFK after the redubbed clip ended.
“Thankfully, Dubya caught himself and did a quick course correct,” Colbert said as he got back on topic and played the part of the video where Bush said “Iraq too.”
“Iraq too? Heh heh? That is a refreshingly light hearted confession to war crimes. I guess we should call of the search for the WMDs at this point, somebody owes Saddam Hussein an edible arrangement,” Colbert said.
“Maybe Bush is going to start admitting to everything he’s been holding back,” Colbert continued, switching to an impression of Bush. “Also, I just want to say that my grandkids are the ones who paint the watercolors. Dick Cheney is a terminator sent from the future. And there are no human-animal hybrids. I saw the Philly Phanatic with his head off and I freaked out. Heh heh.”
Of course it’s always a good time to remind people that the entire case for the unprovoked invasion of Iraq, which killed at least 400,000 people needlessly, was based on absolute lies Bush knowingly told about nonexistent WMDs in Iraq.
Watch the whole monologue above now.