Colbert Jokes About Paramount’s Name Changes: ‘Next Week It’ll Be Whatever Elon Musk Renames Us’

The “Late Show” host broke out the jokes at the company’s presentation to advertisers

Stephen Colbert on "The Late Show" (CBS)
Stephen Colbert on "The Late Show" (CBS)

“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert took to the stage at Carnegie Hall in New York City on Wednesday and had a few things to say about his employers, who were making their Upfronts presentation to advertisers.

“Thank you all for being here. You know, from the moment my bosses at Paramount asked me to introduce this Upfront I leapt at the chance to read my contract and find out that I had to,” Colbert said after taking the stage.

He then went on to remind everyone he had COVID in April, and then tested positive again, which required him to take time away from “The Late Show.”

“But I’m really glad to be here. Frankly, I’m glad to be anywhere because I don’t know if you’ve read, but recently I had COVID –  twice. And you know what they say, ‘Give me COVID once, shame on you. Give me COVID twice, please stop giving me COVID,” Colbert said.

“Jimmy Kimmel knows what I’m talking about. You stole my bit Jimmy,” Colbert added, referencing ABC’s late night host, who appeared at Disney’s Upfronts on Tuesday virtually after he tested positive for COVID for a second time.

As Colbert continued his Upfronts monologue, he noted that now he’s recovered, he has added immunity, and would be willing to test it out on the audience.

“But because I’ve had it twice, my doctors told me — and this is true — that I [am] evidently super immune now. I could lick each and every one of you. And if that’s what it takes to get you to buy ad time for ‘Blue Bloods’ then line up,” he said.

But before he turned to jokes about CBS’ many, many procedurals (all the “FBI” shows, “NCIS” shows, etc.), he went for laughs about the company’s name changes.

“Now at this point, for seven years, I’m a veteran of these Upfronts. Of course, I started working this company when it was just called CBS. And then it was ViacomCBS. Now it’s Paramount and the next week it’ll be whatever Elon Musk renames us,” he quipped.