Colbert: President Trump Is ‘a Racist, Horny, Old Burger Goblin Who Literally Steals Children From Poor People’ (Video)

“You gotta remember that you’re not crazy, no matter what Donald Trump says,” Colbert said as he opened “The Late Show” Tuesday night

Last Updated: July 24, 2018 @ 7:53 PM

It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks for anyone who pays attention to the news, with the alt-right going hard after left-wing celebrities and Trump being all over the place with Russia and sending all caps tweets threatening to turn Iran into dust. It’s enough to make you feel crazy, but Stephen Colbert wants you to know that, actually, you’re not the crazy one.

“I’m so happy to be with you, you not-crazy people,” Colbert said to kick off his monologue on “The Late Show” Tuesday night. “Because you gotta remember that you’re not crazy, no matter what Donald Trump says.”

“The Late Show” then played a clip of Trump declaring on Tuesday: “And just remember — what you’re seeing and what you are reading is not what’s happening.”

“Oh good. Oh good. I was worried because what I’m seeing and reading is that the president is a racist, horny old burger goblin who literally steals children from poor people,” Colbert said after the clip. But then he looked off to the side of the stage as if he were being given some notes from a producer.

“And I’m being told he’s lying again. Well that makes sense, because that’s another one of the things I’m seeing and reading. Every day, just like that, Donald Trump gets a little more brazen. For instance, yesterday he announced he is considering stripping the security clearances from officials who have criticized him.”

Colbert then tried to provide some perspective about where exactly we are in Trump’s run of madness.

“Now, I don’t know if we’ve arrived at ‘dictatorship,’ but we’ve definitely made it to ‘dick,’ ” Colbert said. “Next comes ‘tator.’ Then ‘tator,’ then ‘ship.’ As one Republican consultant said, ‘Using executive authority to punish critics sets a bad precedent.’ Yes, truly a bad president. I’m sorry, precedent. I’m sorry, both. I’m sorry — not sorry.”

You can watch this portion of Colbert’s monologue from Tuesday’s episode of “The Late Show” in the tweet below.

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