Stephen Colbert joined the legions of people mocking Facebook for the name change it’s supposedly contemplating, using the cold open of Wednesday’s “The Late Show” to point out that changing the company’s name won’t actually solve any real problems.
So, you know the drill: The cold open kicked off with some news clips bringing people up to speed. And we’ll do the same thing.
The Verge reported on Tuesday night that Facebook is about to announce a name change. No, not to the app your elderly relatives use to share clickbait memes or lies about COVID-19 and the 2020 election — that will still be called Facebook. The change is to the company itself. Apparently, Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg wants the new name to demonstrate Facebook’s focus on building something he calls “the metaverse,” an unidentified insider told The Verge, instead of emphasizing its social media roots. Presumably, “metaverse” refers to the other services Facebook owns: Instagram, WhatsApp and the virtual-reality headset company Oculus.
So back to the “Late Show” gag, which begins with repurposed footage of Zuckerberg giving a presentation to Facebook employees.
“In recent years, we’ve been criticized for spreading disinformation, promoting hate and causing body image issues among teenagers,” a redubbed Zuckerberg says. “So we’re finally going to make a change: To our name only!”
“What we’ve learned is when it comes to corporate brand names that inspire trust, Facebook finishes right beind Skynet, the Legion of Doom and Puppy Punching, INC,” redubbed Zuckerberg continues.
Then redubbed Zuckerberg tells the crowd they’ve brainstormed possible new names in “one of our virtual, metaverse workspaces.” Cue a poorly animated conference room, where one of the poorly animated Facebook employees says, “What if, instead of just changing the name, we took a hard look in the mirror and asked ourselves if there are maybe some systemic changes we could make.”
Then Zuckerberg has this employee murdered via an explosion. Watch it below:
Sidebar: When redubbed Zuckerberg said “Legion of Doom,” what appeared onscreen was the logo for the ‘90s first person shooter video game “Doom,” instead of an image related to the evil team of DC Comics supervillains first introduced in the old cartoon series “Super Friends.” To rectify that, here, enjoy a clip of the actual Legion: