Colbert Says Remaining Undecided Voters Are ‘Mentally Impaired Unicorns’ (Video)

“At this point I truly do not know what could sway undecided voters,” Colbert said on Monday’s episode of “The Late Show”

The 2020 presidential election is as contentious as any in American history, but there are still some undecided voters out there. This is a fact that Stephen Colbert finds pretty hard to believe, and during his “Late Show” monologue on Wednesday he mocked those folks for being unable to make up their minds even after Tuesday’s debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.

“It’s hard to watch any of this and believe anyone could still be out there undecided, but evidently they are,” Colbert said a couple of minutes into his monologue as he discussed the debate. “Because last night there was a focus group of these mentally impaired unicorns organized by Republican pollster and guy drunk dialing Batman, Frank Luntz. Luntz — hi, Frank — gathered 15 undecideds to respond to the debate over Zoom.

“Oh, please, please can we do the next debate over Zoom, Mr. President? ‘I’m putting you on mute. No, don’t share your screen, sir. Your tabs aren’t safe for work!’”

“The Late Show” then played a clip of Luntz asking each of them to describe what Trump was like during the debate. The four responses that “The Late Show” showed were “horrid,” “chaotic,” “unpolished” and “crackhead.”

“Crackhead? How dare you malign the good name of crackheads?” Colbert quipped. “Unlike Donald Trump, crackheads have a clear policy: ‘give me some crack’.”

Colbert then marveled at a peculiar phenomenon: even though everyone found Trump extremely unlikable, they still couldn’t figure out their vote.

“Despite their harsh words about President Trump, the voters still couldn’t make up their minds post-debate,” Colbert said. “Like Jennifer from Pennsylvania, who said this:”

Jennifer, in a clip: “Oh, I am definitely undecided. I have no clue who I’m gonna vote for. I don’t know who’s going to get my vote. I want to see another debate.”

Colbert found this to be a pretty bizarre response.

“What? At this point I truly do not know what could sway undecided voters,” he complained. “‘Well, the one guy makes me embarrassed to live in my country, but the other guy is sleepy according to the first guy, who again is a total psychopath. So it’s a coin toss.’”

Next up was “Rob from Iowa”:”That was embarrassing. I personally would — it’s a dartboard for me right now who’s going to win it.”

“Really?” Colbert replied, increasingly incredulous. “Because watching Trump, my reaction was less dartboard and more tranq dart.”

But as he got to the end of this thread, Colbert said that “one focus group member did stand out from the rest by delivering a clear, concise opinion of the President.” That would be “Luke from Wisconsin.”

“Trump is annoying. He’s unpresidential and he’s annoying and it’s like nails on a chalkboard,” Luke said in the clip.

“Yes, finally, thank you, Luke. You’re living proof that undecided voters are capable of seeing the light and eventually–” Colbert said before being cut off by the clip of Luke resuming.

Luke: “But him acting that way doesn’t necessarily impact my bottom line.”

You can watch the monologue from Wednesday night’s episode of “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” in the video embedded in this article.


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