The U.S. may have waited until after “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” taped Friday night to start shooting rockets at Syria, but Colbert soldiered on anyway. He slipped in jokes about President Trump preparing for those festivities by hanging out at Mar-a-Lago and skipping his planned trip to Peru… and also landed a pretty solid “Zeppelin” zinger.
“If you watch the show, you know we make our little jokes — ha ha — about Donald Trump on the show. But I’m American. It is my right to go after our leaders. It’s different when foreigners go after our leaders. For instance, Queen Elizabeth recently appeared in a nature documentary, and when a helicopter butted into the scene, she used that moment to take a swing at the colonies,” Colbert said.
“The Late Show” then played the clip Colbert mentioned, in which the Queen quipped: “Why do they always go round and round when you want to talk? Sounds like President Trump. Or Obama.”
“Hold on there, Liz. I’m not sure about that comparison,” Colbert said. “I’d say Trump’s more like a Zeppelin — full of hot air, and we’re all waiting for him to go down in flames. Obama, though, yes. Obama, yes.”
Colbert’s monologue concluded with a faux-promo for the Queen’s new standup special, “Queen Elizabeth’s Royal Beat Down,” in which she delivers such insults as: “Four words, Putin — put on a shirt. No one wants to see your saggy perogies.”
His monologue started very casually before beginning his assault.
“I’ve got a honey-do list, my wife wants me to do some stuff. I’m gonna do it because I’m a good husband. What I will probably not be doing this weekend is bombing Syria,” Colbert said. “I’ll tell you who might be, though — Donald Trump. Because he was supposed to fly down to Lima, Peru, for something called the Summit of the Americas, which would have been Trump’s first visit to Latin America as president. Technically. He counts the Taco Bell drive-thru as a goodwill tour. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you, Ambassador Gordita.'”
Colbert slipped in a combo slam at Trump’s climate change denialism and his consequentially poor choice of location for his go-to vacation spot.
“But on Tuesday, Trump cancelled his trip to monitor events in Syria. Sarah Huck-a-Sanders explained that Trump’s ‘national security team thought it was best he stay in the United States,’ adding, ‘Mar-a-Lago happens to be within the United States.’ But thanks to global warming, it’ll soon be in international waters,” Colbert joked before moving his aim to Vice President Mike Pence.
“White House officials said that in Trump’s place, the summit would be attended by Vice President Mike Pence. Perfecto por esta trabajo. They love him down there. Down in Latin America Pence is known as ‘el guapo blanco,’ the white tortilla, senor salsa with extra mayonnaise. And he’s proven he’s fluent in Espanol,” Colbert said as “The Late Show” played a clip of Pence at the White House’s Cinco de Mayo party last year, which took place on May 4, awkwardly trying to wish everyone a “happy almost Cinco de Mayo” in Spanish.
Colbert finished with a really apt metaphor for Trump’s overwhelming unpopularity.
“According to Gallup, last year Trump’s approval rating in Latin America was 16 percent. At this point, they’d rather be photographed next to someone more popular down there, like Ambassador Chupacabra.”
You can watch the portions of Colbert’s monologue from Friday’s episode of “The Late Show” in the videos embedded below.