Colbert Is Weirdly Excited About Possibility of a Trump Sex Tape (Video)

“Just when you think there can’t be more presidential porn star news, suddenly there’s a bumper crop,” Colbert joked on Monday’s “Late Show”

Last Updated: March 13, 2018 @ 6:20 AM

The story of Donald Trump’s reported sexual relationship with porn star Stormy Daniels continues on with no end in sight, at least for this week, and Stephen Colbert couldn’t help but open his monologue on Monday’s “The Late Show” with some jokes about how it feels like it may be escalating in a direction no one really wants.

“Just when you think there can’t be more presidential porn star news, suddenly there’s a bumper crop. ‘Bump Her Crop,’ by the way, one of Stormy Daniels’ most popular movies,” Colbert joked to kick off the show.

“Stormy recently sat down with Anderson Cooper for a ’60 Minutes’ interview. Rumor is it’s going to be on this Sunday, but now Trump’s lawyers are considering a challenge to stop ’60 Minutes’ from airing it. Hmm, why would Donald Trump be scared of a show whose logo is a ticking clock, slowly counting down the seconds until the time is up?”

Just as the story of the dispute between Daniels and Trump has continually escalated over the past couple months, so did Colbert’s monologue as he considered the possibility that Daniels may not just have “penis portraits” of Trump, but also a full-blown sex tape.

“Earlier today, we learned that Stormy wants out of her non-disclosure agreement so badly that she’s offered to return the $130,000 payment to end the deal for her silence. He might take it because Trump’s going to need the cash for his divorce lawyer. The idea is that, if he takes it, then Stormy can talk freely about their affair and ‘publish any text messages, photos, and or videos relating to the president that she may have.'” Colbert said, at which point he made a sour face as he considered the ramifications of that quote. “Wait a minute. Videos? Does that mean there’s a Donald Trump sex tape? Will we soon see the release of ‘Rail to the Chief: Donald Hump in the Oral Office’? Yes, it’s over two minutes of hardcore action!”

Pondering that, Colbert had a very brief moment of sympathy for Trump until he got through the next bit of news.

“And it’s too bad this came up because Trump’s been in such a good mood lately. Friends describe him as ‘giddy’ — a man who has finally fully indulged his itch to break free of John Kelly’s restraints,” Colbert said, at which point he was back to normal. “Wait, wait. He was restrained? And now he’s broken free? Quick, get a tranquilizer gun and shoot with me it. I don’t want to see what happens now!”

You can watch Colbert’s monologue from Monday night’s episode of “The Late Show,” in which he goes on to clown Trump for his bizarre rally speech on Saturday night, in the videos embedded below.