Watching the acceptance speeches at this year’s Academy Awards, one moment in particular stayed with me.
When “Sinners” cinematographer Autumn Durald Arkapaw stepped to the podium to accept her historic Oscar, what struck me was not just the achievement. It was the way she carried herself in the moment. Her remarks were gracious, generous, and filled with appreciation, especially toward director Ryan Coogler, whom she credited warmly for the opportunity and the collaboration.
But there was another moment that stood out even more. During her remarks, she paused and acknowledged the women who had come before her. Then she invited the women in the room to stand, recognizing the contributions of women across the industry who helped make moments like that possible.
It was a simple gesture, but a powerful one.
As I watched, I found myself thinking something very simple: she seems really nice.
And almost immediately another thought followed. I turned to my wife and said, “She’s going to have a long career.”
After more than three decades working in this business through the American Black Film Festival, I have learned something simple: reputations travel faster than resumes.
It was not just the talent that was evident in that moment. It was the humanity, the sense that she would be someone people want to work with again and again.
That moment reminded me of a conversation I had about 10 years ago that has stayed with me ever since. I was sitting at an awards dinner, talking with a colleague from one of the major studios. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, she paused, looked at me, and said something that caught me completely off guard.
“You’re so nice.”
Then she turned to the others at the table and said, “Isn’t Jeff nice?”
A few heads nodded. Someone murmured agreement.
And suddenly the compliment felt like a label I wasn’t sure I wanted. For a second, I didn’t know how to respond. Then my instinctive reaction surprised even me.
“I’m not as nice as you think.”
I said it quickly, almost defensively. And afterward I kept wondering why. Why did that comment make me uncomfortable? Why did I feel the need to push back against what should have been a compliment?
Being called nice should be one of the most natural compliments someone can give you. Yet my reaction suggested something else entirely. Somewhere along the way, I had absorbed the idea that “nice” might somehow be a liability in this business.
Hollywood has always had a reputation for being tough, competitive and transactional. It is an industry full of ambition and strong personalities, where deals shift quickly and opportunities can disappear overnight.
In Hollywood, people often feel pressure to perform toughness, to signal they are harder, busier or more important than the next person. Sometimes that edge becomes part of the costume.
But the longer I have worked in this industry, the more I have come to question that assumption. When you look closely at the people who build long, meaningful careers, not just momentary success, you begin to notice something else. Many of them have reputations not only for their talent, but also for how they treat people.
They return calls. They honor commitments. They treat assistants with the same respect they give executives. They collaborate. They listen.
In other words, they are decent.
Watching Durald Arkapaw on the Oscar stage, that is what came across. She was not performing humility. She was simply sharing credit in a genuine way. In an industry built almost entirely on relationships, that kind of authenticity travels fast.
People want to work with people who make the work better, not just creatively, but personally. That does not mean being nice requires you to be passive. This is still a competitive business. Negotiations are real. Stakes are high. Decisions can be difficult. But there is a difference between being tough and being unkind.
You can advocate for yourself, push for your vision and protect your work without losing your humanity in the process. In fact, I would argue that in the long run, maintaining that humanity is one of the most powerful assets you can have in Hollywood.
When I think back to that dinner conversation, I realize my defensive reaction said more about the culture we sometimes assume exists in this town than the reality of how successful careers are actually built. Because the truth is that the people who consistently rise in this business are not always the loudest or the toughest in the room.
Often, they are the ones people trust. The ones collaborators want to call again. The ones who remember that filmmaking, and storytelling in general, is ultimately a collective act. Watching the Oscars this year reminded me of that.
In Hollywood, talent may open the door. But reputation decides whether people invite you back.
Jeff Friday is the CEO of NICE CROWD and founder of the American Black Film Festival and ABFF Honors.
