Carrie Fisher died December 27, 2016, after going into cardiac arrest onboard a flight. News of Fisher’s death hit fans hard, but no one suffered the loss as much as her daughter, Billie Lourd.
On the 9th anniversary of Fisher’s passing Saturday, Lourd acknowledged her mother’s impact on her life, recalling a day spent with her daughter when she “started thinking about how this joy wouldn’t be possible without my mom. This joy only exists because she existed.”
“It has been 9 years since my mom died. My daughter woke up earlier than usual this morning so we went outside together and she knowingly laid her little head on my chest,” Lourd began her post on Instagram. “She looked up at me with her big soulful eyes and said ‘I love you mama’ and grabbed my face with her little chubby hands and kissed me.”
“She does this pretty much every morning and dare I say, there is no better way to wake up and no ritual I love more,” she continued. “I told her how much her grandmomby would have loved her and she looked up at me and kissed me again. Then we walked to breakfast with my dad and they ran around together like 2 old souls that have known each other forever.”
“Watching my dad with my kids is one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known. The kind of joy that makes your face hurt because you can’t stop smiling, the kind of joy that makes you feel like your life is a movie you thought only existed in movies,” she also said.
“But then you take a step back and realize that it’s better than any movie could ever be. Then I started thinking about how this joy wouldn’t be possible without my mom. This joy only exists because she existed. So even though she is not physically part of this joy, she is part of the reason for it. Even though she is not alive she lives on through this joy.”
Lourd continued, “My grief takes on many shapes – today, right now in this moment, that shape is this joy I get to experience watching my kids with my dad. It could and will change shapes multiple times throughout this day because grief is never just one thing but right now I am relishing in this bittersweet grieful joy.”
“As my mom wisely said, ‘Nothing is ever really over. Just over there’. My mombys life isnt really over. Just over there – in my kids and in this joy I’m able to experience because of her. Thank you momby. I will never stop missing you,” she concluded before noting the two photos that accompanied the post were taken in the same room 25 years apart.
The first black-and-white photo featured Lourd alongside Fisher and her father, Bryan, and the second showed Bryan with Lourd’s young children.
Lourd confirmed her mother’s death in 2016.
“It is with a very deep sadness that Billie Lourd confirms that her beloved mother Carrie Fisher passed away at 8:55 this morning,” read a statement. “She was loved by the world and she will be missed profoundly. Our entire family thanks you for your thoughts and prayers.”
