There are happy Valentine’s Day surprises, and then there is this.
On Wednesday, Eminem dropped the music video for his new track “River” featuring Ed Sheeran. And while Slim Shady fans may have been very excited to get a look at the visual concept he’d concocted for their collaboration on his 2017 album “Revival,” some might be a little put off by the portrait of a less than healthy relationship on this most loving of holidays.
“My personal life is not exactly a highlight reel,” Eminem begins. The video then shows the rapper and British singer singing “River” while basically showing you exactly what not to do in a courtship. There’s chair throwing, screaming, name-calling. It’s lovely.
“You’re saying ‘us’ as in, like, we’re together together. I thought we were just hanging out,” Em raps. Okay, ya, turn away now if you want to enjoy the rest of cupid’s birthday.
Watch the music video for “River” above.
10 Things to Watch If You Hate Valentine's Day, From 'Black Mirror' to the Olympics (Photos)
Let's get real. Valentine's Day is the one holiday we all love to hate.
If you're single, it's just a day to remind you that you're single, and if you're in a relationship, it's a Pepto Bismol-colored consumerization of your love.
So if you're forgoing the over-priced prix fixe menus next Wednesday, and plan on doing some Netflix-and-chill with your bae, yourself, or a random Tinder date, here's what to stream.
"THE END OF THE F---ING WORLD"
This is not a love story. The show is based on the comic series by Charles Forsman and follows angsty teens James (Alex Lawther) and Alyssa (Jessica Barden) as they basically say "F--- You" to the world and go on the world's craziest road trip. Trust us, there are some twists you will not expect.
Netflix
"Portlandia"
If you want to laugh and don't want any pesky love stories to get in the way, go for a show that's all about a place, not people. With the last season of "Portlandia" under way, re-watch your favorite episodes. May we humbly suggest a few here.
IFC
"Broad City"
Galentine's, anyone? Sit around with the "Broad City" girls and celebrate female friendships as strong as Kelly Ripa's love for moonshine.
Comedy Central
"The Walking Dead"
What better way to celebrate the death of your love life than zombies? Yeah, yeah, there are a few love lines in the show, but if Carol and Daryl can't admit they belong together, then there's no real hope for any of us.
AMC
"What We Do in the Shadows"
Taika Waititi's hilarious vampire movie will have you in stitches. Yes, it might make you want a vampire boyfriend, but this story is more about friendship and overcoming clashes with werewolves than love.
Unison Films
"Moana"
OK Disney lovers, here's an option for you. We suggest watching "Moana," a story about a young girl on an Odyssean-like adventure to save her people that decidedly does not end with Prince Charming. Plus, the music by Lin-Manuel Miranda will have you singing along whether you like it or not.
Disney
"Black Mirror"
If you really, really want to be out of the Valentine's Day mood, then watch the episode "The National Anthem." If you don't want to be that grossed out, then watch "USS Callister," "The Entire History of You," or Emmy-winner "San Junipero."
Netflix
"The Handmaid's Tale"
Another show not to watch if you're trying to get in the mood. A world in which fertile women are forced to have sex and get pregnant, only to give the baby up, is very unsexy.
Hulu
"Planet Earth"
Cheer up this Valentine's Day with some cute animals, epic landscapes and Sir David Attenborough's iconic voice.
BBC
2018 Winter Olympic Games in PyeongChang
Here's something we don't get every year: the Winter Olympics! Let Team USA be your Valentine. You can find the schedule of events, on NBC, here.
Getty
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Check out what to stream if you’ll be Netflix-and-chilling by yourself this Feb. 14
Let's get real. Valentine's Day is the one holiday we all love to hate.
If you're single, it's just a day to remind you that you're single, and if you're in a relationship, it's a Pepto Bismol-colored consumerization of your love.
So if you're forgoing the over-priced prix fixe menus next Wednesday, and plan on doing some Netflix-and-chill with your bae, yourself, or a random Tinder date, here's what to stream.
Netflix
