‘Hitman: Agent 47’ Assassinated by Critics: 8 Most Painful Reviews
“Dumb,” “infuriating,” and “horrible” are just a few of the adjectives used to describe Hollywood’s latest video game adaptation
Joe Otterson | August 20, 2015 @ 9:05 AM
Last Updated: August 20, 2015 @ 9:08 AM
20th Century Fox
“Hitman: Agent 47” appears to be the second summer misfire from the studio behind the disastrous “Fantastic Four” flop, as critics are taking shots at the video game adaptation left and right.
The action movie stars Rupert Friend as Agent 47, a genetically engineered assassin who must protect a woman (Hannah Ware) and help her discover the secret of her ancestry.
Critics are absolutely blasting the film, which holds a dismal 5 percent approval rating on RottenTomatoes.“For all its cheap talk about the importance of innovation, ‘Agent 47’ just feels like a copy of a copy of a copy,” TheWrap’s Inkoo Kang wrote in her review of the film that follows the first “Hitman” movie starring Timothy Olyphant.
“Just when you think ‘Agent 47’ might get interesting–mostly in a couple fight scenes with Quinto, who at least seems like he’s the only one having a good time–director Alexsander Bach and writers Skip Woods and Michael Finch go back to the same slo-mo, dull action well again. There’s no character worth caring about, no performance that registers, and no visual style to really note. It’s almost a non-movie.”
“Before you consider anything about ‘Hitman: Agent 47,’ before the story or characters or action set pieces or fast cars or copious firepower, there’s one fundamental thing to remember: The movie is profoundly dumb.”
“The music, the shots, the futuristic interiors, the costumes, the hair (Friend’s bald pate, Quinto’s fearsomely groomed floppy barnet) – they’re facsimiles of cool which are just a key off from the get-go in a genre which, like the assassins themselves, requires perfect timing and precision to survive.”
“People are racing around talking to one another on mobiles with tiny earpieces nowhere near their mouths and everything sounds clear with nary a dropped signal. It’s infuriating. And, more to the point, with a movie this fundamentally uninteresting, there’s plenty of room to sit in the audience and muse on such issues.”
“47 wants to stop a resuscitation of this top secret program, which is like ‘Bourne’ but with tailored suits. That, of course, means he wants to stop a franchise that too has revived itself for unsavory reasons. (The main baddie, played by Thomas Kretschmann, never leaves his ivory tower office, much like a studio head.)”
“For all of the rumors of ‘Fantastic Four’ being an underdeveloped, over-edited film with a moody overtone forced upon it, I wouldn’t be surprised if whoever was responsible for the horrible changes to that film got their hands on ‘Hitman: Agent 47’ and went to town.”
“The plot, such as it is, soon disappears almost entirely, and ‘Hitman: Agent 47’ starts traveling on rigid rails from one set piece to another, pausing only occasionally to ponder the meaning of existence and then come to high school philosophy conclusions about it.”
11 Horrible Video Game Adaptations Before 'Pixels' (Video)
)
"Super Mario Bros." (1993)
Box Office: $20.9 million.
Mario himself, Bob Hoskins, has not only called this movie the worst job he's ever had, but it's also the biggest disappointment AND regret of his career.
)
"Double Dragon" (1994)
Box Office: $2.34 million.
In this wildly-inaccurate vision of 2007, the fate of a crappy city called "New Angeles" (L.A. and San Diego combined) will be decided by an ancient Chinese medallion, that alcoholic sibling on "Party of Five" and the T-1000 from "Terminator 2: Judgement Day." If the trailer doesn't scare you away, it's currently streaming on Netflix.
)
"Street Fighter" (1994)
Box Office: $99.4 million.
The goofy Jean-Claude Van Damme action movie nearly tripled it's $35 million budget internationally, but it was universally panned by critics. Perhaps the biggest flaw was the eventual appearance of fan favorite character Blanka -- a ferocious beast in the game, who just looked like a poorly-costumed actor in the movie.
)
"Wing Commander" (1999)
Box Office: $11.57 million.
This movie bombed in theaters, and was booed by critics. But at least this Freddy Prinze Jr. movie really, really, REALLY makes you appreciate "Star Wars." Even the prequels.
)
"House of the Dead" (2003)
Box Office: $13.8 million.
In this zombie video game adaptation's defense, it landed in theaters years before the public's hunger for the walking dead began. And it was directed by Uwe Boll.
)
"Alone in the Dark" (2005)
Box Office: $10.4 million.
The video game helped set the standard for survival horror, while the movie set the standard for the rest of Tara Reid's career. Uwe Boll was charged with bringing this to the big screen, as well.
)
"Doom" (2005)
Box Office: $55.98 million.
Before The Rock was box office viagra, he starred opposite Karl Urban in this $60 million first-person shooter adaptation that went limp at the box office.
)
"DOA: Dead or Alive" (2006)
Box Office: $7.5 million.
What happens when Eric Roberts rounds up a bunch of hot fighter chicks to fight for a $10 million prize "any time, anywhere"? Nothing good.
)
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" (2008)
Box Office: $13 million.
Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds may have thought they were starring in the next "Lord of the Rings"-style fantasy epic (or they just needed a paycheck). But in reality, this adaptation of Microsoft role-playing game "Dungeon Siege" was just the next Uwe Boll bomb.
)
"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li" (2009)
Box Office: $12.7 million (2009).
Hopes for some kind of redemption for the beloved Capcom fighting game -- or a Chris Klein comeback -- were immediately dashed when this "Street Fighter" got a beating from critics.
"Need for Speed" (2014)
Box Office: $43.6 million.
In his first lead big-screen role post-"Breaking Bad," Aaron Paul failed to rev up audiences playing a street racer who joins a cross-country race with revenge in mind.
1 of 11
As bad reviews pile up for Adam Sandler’s new film, here are 10 more awful video game-based movies that tanked
"Super Mario Bros." (1993)
Box Office: $20.9 million.
Mario himself, Bob Hoskins, has not only called this movie the worst job he's ever had, but it's also the biggest disappointment AND regret of his career.
