Jimmy Fallon Speeds Through Current Events With Trump, the Knicks, ‘Bridgerton’ and Welch’s News Mashup | Video

“The children’s juice maker is now selling booze in a can,” he says, “but don’t give these to your kids or you’re going to end up on trial”

There is so much going on in the world right now, Jimmy Fallon told his “Tonight Show” audience Friday night, that it was only appropriate for the late night host to put together a “news mash” of four big stories from the week: Trump’s ongoing hush money trial, the Knicks making it to the NBA playoffs, the newest season of “Bridgerton” being released, and Welch’s newest offering, a boozy canned juice that’s definitely not meant for kids.

“First up, the Trump trial has been going on for weeks,” Fallon began. “It all started when he had a one-night stand with Stormy Daniels.”

“Speaking of rich people having one-night stands, ‘Bridgerton’ is back,” he continued. “New episodes just dropped on Netflix. It’s about a bunch of ladies and lords looking to score. You know who else is looking to score? Everyone in the NBA playoffs.”

“The Knicks are one of the top teams along with Denver and Boston,” Fallon added. “Soon the winners will be popping expensive champagne, while the losers will be chugging Welch’s new canned cocktail. That’s right: the children’s juice maker is now selling booze in a can.”

One round of news mashing wasn’t sufficient, Fallon proved as he continued, “But don’t give these to your kids or you’re going to end up on trial. Even if he beats the charges in this case, he’s got three more waiting for him. Honestly, he’s got more court time than the Knicks. They’re trying to win their first championship since 1973, so capturing a title this year is their deepest desire.”

“All the ‘Bridgerton’ characters are prim and proper with white gloves and British accents. They shan’t be caught dead with a can of spiked Welch’s. If you drink too many of these things, you’re going to pass out,” he said. “Kind of like Donald Trump in court.”

“His eyes are closed, his mouth is open, he’s drooling and drooling,” Fallon added as he rounded the metaphorical third base. “The players are working so hard to get there. They’re getting hot and sweaty. Believe me, this show is juicy.”

“In conclusion, slam dunk might be sunk,” he finished, “Time to get drunk.”

Watch Fallon’s new mash in the video above.

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