Jimmy Kimmel returned from his months-long break from hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” on Tuesday night, and he wasted little time in catching his audience up on the summer headlines of former president Donald Trump.
“I was gonna show you slides of my summer vacation, but I went through them. It’s mostly pictures of me holding trout trying to fix the defective generator on my Winnebago. So instead, I thought it would be fun to take a look at how Donald Trump spent his summer vacation,” Kimmel began, just a few beats into his monologue (and after jokes about O.J. Simpson and Rudy Giuliani).
Kimmel’s sidekick, Guillermo, then wheeled out an old fashioned slide projector used in classrooms before computers became the norms, and the host proceeded to regale his audience with photos and short stories about what happened with Trump while Kimmel was away from the late night podium. Among the events he touched upon were the testimony of former Trump aide Cassidy Hutchinson, and the death of Trump’s first wife, Ivana. After touching on the Saudi golf tour Trump hosted at his New Jersey golf club, Kimmel then moved on to toilets.
“Then, 10 days later, on August 8, we got to look at photographic evidence showing Trump did in fact, tear up official White House documents and flushed them down the official White House toilet and that same day, the FBI searched Mar-a-Lago and found an all-you-can-read classified documents bar featuring hundreds of pages of top secret government intel and a box of framed covers of Time magazine with his face on them, because you can’t have security without insecurity,” Kimmel said.
He continued: “Two days later, Trump gave a deposition to the New York Attorney General pleading the fifth more than 440 times, which is what all not guilty people do. And then finally, this weekend, Trump ended his summer in a rally for the soon to be unemployed Senate hopeful and penis pill pusher, Dr. Oz and that was the totally non-bummer summer of Donald Trump.”
Kimmel then dove into why Trump might have had all the classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago residence in the first place.
“I’ve been trying to understand how he could possibly believe he had the right to take all those documents to his [house.] It’s weird that a person who barely reads would even want documents. It’s like finding out your dog collect stamps,” Kimmel said. “But, Trump keeps claiming he declassified the documents which, first of all, no, he didn’t. But second of all, even if he had, which he didn’t, that’s even more [crazy]. That’s like finding your wife in bed with another guy. She’s like, ‘It’s OK. I took my ring off first.’”
Watch Kimmel’s full monologue above.