Kimmel Loves the Idea That Cohen Tapes Might Ruin Trump’s Marriage Somehow (Video)

“If they split up, [Trump] wouldn’t just lay low. He’d be out there dating,” Kimmel joked, presenting a troubling vision of the future

Last Updated: July 27, 2018 @ 7:08 AM

There’s been so much Michael Cohen news this week that it’s been tough for the late-night hosts to keep up considering they’ve had to address the other stuff Donald Trump has been up to. And on Thursday night, Jimmy Kimmel spent a chunk of his monologue on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” lampooning the increasingly wild Trump-Cohen story.

“We have a so much to get to — a veritable cornucopia of crazy. All stirred up by our Celebrity Appresident, whose voice we heard on Tuesday night instructing his former lawyer to pay off a Playboy Playmate,” Kimmel said. “And now today we learn there are more tapes to be heard and shared with friends. Investigators reportedly have more than a 100 audio recordings of Michael Cohen chatting with and about Donald Trump.

“Apparently, Cohen would record these calls and meetings on his iPhone – instead of taking notes. Because it was easier than taking notes to record. I’m starting to think maybe Trump doesn’t hire all the best people. Turns out the only person in the world who uses the Voice Memo app on his iPhone is using it to tape the president of the United States.”

Kimmel then speculated that maybe Vladimir Putin and his people aren’t so happy about all this news, but maybe not for the reasons you’d think.

“And by the way you know who’s really annoyed about this? Russia,” Kimmel said. “They’re like, ‘Why are we putting so much work into spying on these Americans when they seem to be doing it to themselves all the time?’ “

Delivering on his “cornucopia of crazy” promise he made at the start of this thread, Kimmel discussed the reports of what other salacious details those recordings might contain.

“Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, Michael Avenatti, had an interesting take on this,” Kimmel said. “He tweeted today: ‘Breaking: Donald Trump conspired with Michael Cohen to pay off multiple other women prior to Election Day in 2016. They were also concerned about a pregnancy.’ Oh that’s great. Just what we need. Another Trump out there Lurking. Planning to run in 2048.”

And then Kimmel discussed some of the reported personal fallout within the Trump family for all this.

“After that tape the other day, the president is reportedly worried that these new revelations of infidelity could affect his marriage. Can you imagine? Imagine if Melania leaves Donald Trump while he is in office?” Kimmel asked. “What if he has to give her the White House in the divorce settlement? How would that work? And if they did split up — you know if they split up he wouldn’t just lay low. He’d be out there dating. He’d be like, you know what, I think I might need to make a state visit to Sweden. Smooth a few things out over there.”

Kimmel ended this thread with a setup for a video sketch.

“And now Trump’s advisers are reportedly now considering whether they should release tapes they claim are unflattering for Michael Cohen. And I have to say I think that’s a great idea. That seems like a win-win for everyone. Please. Release them.”

And then “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” presented a fake infomercial for “Trump On Tape: The Complete Collection” from Tiny Fingers Records. And it’s, well — you should just watch the video up top and see it for yourself.