U.S. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) once again opened himself up to massive ridicule late last week when he gushed over Russian military propaganda and then complained that U.S. armed forces are “emasculated.” And on Monday, Jimmy Kimmel had the perfect response with a recruitment poster inspired by one of Cruz’s most pathetic recent moments.
The ABC host began by renewing digs at Cruz’s continued reverence for Donald Trump despite the former president’s harsh attacks on the Texas Republican. “Ted Cruz, who four years ago took permanent residence up the ass of a man who beat him in every election by calling his wife ugly and slandering his elderly father — says this is emasculating,” Kimmel joked. “Primarily because Ted Cruz is not human — he’s a moist, gelatinous tubeworm whose elastic band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks.”
“Maybe this would be more Ted’s speed,” Kimmel continued, displaying this on screen:
“Army. Be All You Cancun Be. Right?” Kimmel continued, referencing Cruz’s recent attempt to sneak out of Texas for a vacation in Cancun while Texas was battered by a devastating winter storm (he later told several contradictory stories, including attempting to blame the debacle on his daughters). “I’ll tell you something, for a guy named Ted, he gives the worst talks.”
Kimmel’s needling came after Cruz retweeted a side-by-side comparison of a Russian military recruitment ad and a recent U.S. Army ad highlighting the real life story of Cpl. Emma Malonelord, who was raised by two mothers, graduated at the top of her high school class and then enlisted. Most people find that story inspiring, but not Cruz, who said “Holy crap. Perhaps a woke, emasculated military is not the best idea.”
Cruz, who it should be noted never served in the U.S. military, realized he stepped in it and some time later attempted to undo the damage with a claim that he actually loves the U.S. military and what he meant was that “Democrats” are trying to emasculate it. And while his original tweet didn’t contain any such clarification, and Cruz clearly seemed to be describing the current state of the military as “emasculated” and inferior to Russia’s, we have no idea if that subsequent explanation is true or false.
Watch the whole monologue above. The Ted Cruz mockery begins approximately 4 minutes and 45 seconds in.
UPDATE: Shortly after this post was published, Cruz retweeted TheWrap’s tweet in an attempt to trash-talk Kimmel. Soon after that, Kimmel responded. Here’s how that played out: