Jimmy Kimmel continued his recurring mockery of Ted Cruz on Monday, this time imagining what the Texas Senator was whining about in a Bozeman, Montana airport over the weekend. And in the Kimmel version of events, Ted Cruz apparently is some kind of scavenger.
Ted Cruz is of course known for taking a vacation in Mexico in early 2021 while his constituents were battered by a historically terrible winter storm that knocked out power for millions. At one point Cruz even tried to blame his own kids for the whole thing. But on Sunday he was embarrassed yet again on after video emerged of him having some sort of argument with an airline employee that ended up requiring a law enforcement officer to intervene.
What appears to have happened is that Cruz missed his flight and was upset about limited rebooking options and got mad at the employee. Though he did eventually make it out later that day and, according to law enforcement, it was a minor situation.
But Kimmel’s version of events was a little less flattering.
“A man who looks suspiciously like Ted Cruz has a heated exchange with an airline employee and then after the airline employee, a police officer,” Kimmel said during his monologue on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
“Apparently, he missed his flight and demanded to speak to the manager a dozen times, to the point where they had to call in security. He should stay out of the airports, right? I mean nothing good ever happens,” Kimmel continued.
“Now, you can’t hear what is being said,” Kimmel continued. “We were able to enhance the audio. This is, according to our experts a pretty good approximation of what Cancun Karen was complaining about.”
Kimmel then played the video clip of Cruz’s airport argument, but with totally fake subtitles purporting to reveal what he was saying. We’ll transcribe that for you now:
Airline Employee: Sir, sir, you can’t bring this bag onboard, it’s oozing.
Cruz: Of course it’s oozing. I’m oozing.
Airline Employee: I’m sorry sir, it’s not…
Cruz: (Interrupting) I’m so mad I’m gonna squirt my anal glands. Officer, look here at what I have on my phone.
Cop: Sir, if you try to show me pornography again, I’m gonna have to put you under arrest.
“Oh, save it for the airport bathroom buddy,” Kimmel joked.
“It’s especially funny because just two weeks ago, Ted was bragging about how much employees at the airport love him,” Kimmel continued. (That’s true by the way, Cruz actually claimed he gets hugged by antivaxxers working at airlines, and of course no one believed him.)
“And then they immediately throw up. They vomit. There’s no way he gets spontaneously hugged. Can you imagine hugging Ted Cruz? Donald Trump hugs Eric more than flight attendants hug Ted Cruz,” Kimmel said before moving on to another monologue segment.
Watch the whole monologue above. And in the meantime, we’ll see if Cruz responds.