“The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” warned CBS viewers Tuesday night that President Trump is not going after just their rights and ideals anymore. He’s attacking something else, too.
“It’s one thing when the Trump administration comes after our rights or comes after our ideals, but now he’s coming after something we care about: Our money,” host Stephen Colbert warned at the top of his Tuesday monologue. “Right now, make no mistake, our money is under attack, thanks to the Trump administration’s malicious prosecution of Fed Chair and Keebler elf at the funeral for Snap, Crackle and Pop, Jerome Powell.”
Colbert joked that the Federal Reserve is the only independent agency that keeps the global financial system upright and prevents us from reverting back to “bartering with bales of indigo and little bags of toddler teeth.”
However, he found himself out of his depth when he touched on growing concerns about the impact the Trump administration’s conflict with Powell could have on the bond market.
“I totally understand why the bond folks are not bonding with this idea,” Colbert declared. “As an adult male in a suit, I know it’s not good for the … Dow points. There’s too many of them or not enough of Dowlings of the … moist Dowlets.”
You can watch the full “Late Show” monologue yourself in the video below.
Pivoting, Colbert updated “Late Show” viewers on the current state of affairs in Minnesota, noting that there are over 2,000 federal immigration officers in the state right now and that Trump reportedly plans to send 1,000 more.
“He’s clearly invading Minnesota,” Colbert observed, before asking, “Has anyone told him that they don’t have oil? Because the best he’s going to get is 50 million barrels of Cream of Mushroom soup.”
Colbert further clowned Trump for a post in which the president rhetorically asked Minnesotans if they want to live in a state full of “convicted murderers, drug dealers and addicts.” In response, Colbert told Trump, “How dare you, sir! It’s called the Mall of America.”
Trump also told Minnesotans on his Truth Social account not to fear because “the day of reckoning and retribution is coming.”
“Kind of a weird tonal shift to start with ‘fear not’ and end with ‘day of reckoning and retribution,’” Colbert dryly noted. “Hey everybody, let’s chill! Put a smile on that face. A thousand-year storm of blood is nigh!” Amid all the chaos, Colbert did find some levity and solace in a viral video of an ICE agent running and slipping on an icy Minneapolis street.
“Haha! You fell down and bonked your big fat butt,” the “Late Show” host joked, mocking the ICE agent in question.
