Even those who love inspirational sports films might have to flinch from “My All American,” a movie so square, conservative and humorless that it winds up playing like a brutally straight-faced “South Park” parody of gridiron schmaltz, particularly in its last half hour, when the male weepie plot finally kicks in.
Based on a true story, “My All American” was written and directed by Angelo Pizzo, who wrote the screenplays for two beloved sports pictures, “Hoosiers” (1986) and “Rudy” (1993). In the latter, Sean Astin‘s Rudy was too small to play football but was determined to get on the field through sheer will to win and team spirit. In “My All American,” Freddie Steinmark (Finn Wittrock) is also a little too short to be playing football but, you guessed it, his team spirit is so overwhelming that he gets himself accepted to play for the Longhorns at the University of Texas in the late 1960s.
In contemporary framing scenes, Coach Darrell Royal (Aaron Eckhart in laughable old age make-up) tells the tale of Freddie’s legendary team spirit to a curious reporter, and it cannot be said that this story is filled with much color or incident. Freddie’s Dad (Michael Reilly Burke) could have been a major league baseball player if an injury hadn’t sidelined him, and so he drives his son hard to succeed and achieve on the sports field, yet Freddie feels only blind respect and loyalty toward him.
Pizzo tips his hand in these early scenes by staging a family meal in the Steinmark home like some conservative daydream of peace and stability, and he doesn’t stop there: There are many scenes in “My All American” that represent blue-state pandering of the most obnoxious sort, like when the Coach says of New York, “Aw hell, I’ve never liked those big cities,” which is clearly meant to get a laugh of approval.
When the Steinmarks watch Freddie play ball on TV, they reverently applaud when President Nixon’s helicopter lands near the football field. Even more objectionable than this is a low camp scene where Freddie’s best friend Bobby Mitchell (Rett Terrell) tears up a protest sign and physically threatens some stereotyped hippie protesters after his brother gets killed in Vietnam.
Back in their dorm room, the religious Freddie, who goes to mass every morning, counsels Bobby to pray for guidance even if he isn’t religious. In this scene, Wittrock does come across as one of those over-intense college guys who always wants you to go to church with them, but this role gives him nothing at all with which to work.
Last year as the psychopathic Dandy Mott on the FX series “American Horror Story: Freak Show,” Wittrock got to show off devilishly impressive amounts of actorly inventiveness, and as the season went on he added layered little curlicues of humor and menace, going way over the top in a grounded and intelligent way, so that you could tell that he was a trained actor who has worked regularly in the theater. In “My All American,” you would never know that Wittrock had such talent and fun in him. He seems like a young Tom Cruise here, eerily over-intense about everything, whether he’s wooing his girlfriend Linda (Sarah Bolger), praying, football training, or even tying his shoelaces.
Wittrock’s Dandy is still fresh for fans of “American Horror Story,” but we may need some reminding at this point that Eckhart got his start headlining acidic Neil LaBute movies in the late 1990s like “In the Company of Men” (1997) and “Your Friends & Neighbors” (1998). For those who remember those pictures, it is easy to wonder just how Eckhart can keep his poker face on during so many of his awful scenes here. His Coach Royal doesn’t have to give too many pep talks to the team, but he does have to deliver some gag-worthy lines: “You run like you have minnows in your pants,” the Coach muses to Freddie before accepting him on the team. Waxing faux heartland-lyrical over his wife, who was once his school sweetheart, the Coach tells Freddie, “I fell in love with her faster than a hiccup.”
Aside from these howlers, “My All American” also has serious structural problems. It takes an hour and a half of playing time to get to the main drama, and that 90 minutes is filled with mainly aimless football, lengthy and painfully generic courtship scenes between Freddie and Linda, and very little else. This is a movie that is confident in clean living, blinkered righteousness, and manly sentimentality, and it is shamed by some brief footage of the real Freddie at the end, an actual person whose story has been diminished by this slack, dawdling, offensive film.
18 Dramatic Championship Sports Movie Moments: From 'Rocky' to 'Remember the Titans' (Photos)
"The Pride of the Yankees" (1942)
This beautifully dramatized moment of sports history, as wonderfully monologued by Gary Cooper, helped to immortalize the already infamous "Luckiest man" speech by Lou Gehrig.
“Rocky” (1976)
In the ultimate underdog story, newcomer Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) gets a shot at the world heavyweight title against champ Apollo Creed. Rocky proves he has the goods, going the entire 15 rounds against Creed, but loses in a split decision. Rocky would get a rematch though and win the title in “Rocky II”.
"Breaking Away" (1979)
One of the most inspiring underdog stories ever made, the Little 500 bicycle race in Bloomington, Indiana, is a local classic as made famous by this film. In the film's closing race scene, the locals -- dressed in plain white T-shirts with their nickname the "Cutters" -- upset the richer college students with more expensive bikes and uniforms, riding across the finish line in pure glory.
“Chariots of Fire” (1981)
Two Englishmen push each other to be the best sprinter at the 1924 Olympics. While they won gold on the big screen’s racetrack, “Chariots of Fire” would go on to win Oscar gold for best picture.
“The Natural” (1984)
Robert Redford plays middle-age rookie Roy Hobbs in “The Natural.” Hobbs leads his team to a championship on his final at-bat when he launches the most famous home run in movie history. Thus proving the unspoken rule in baseball: If you break the lights you win the game.
“Hoosiers” (1986)
Another Indiana classic in what is widely considered one of the greatest sports movies of all time, “Hoosiers” follows a small town high school basketball team as they make it all the way to the state finals. They play a bigger and more athletic team in the finals, but with a last second shot pull off the surprise victory.
“Major League” (1989)
Charlie Sheen and Tom Berenger lead an outfit of misfit Cleveland Indians from last place to a shot at the league pennant against the powerhouse Yankees. Even though the film is a comedy, the final game plays out in dramatic fashion.
“A League of Their Own” (1992)
“A League of Their Own” proved that girls can play baseball, and ends in a play at the plate that determines the championship. Geena Davis’ Rockford Peaches may lose that final game, but as Tom Hanks taught us, “there is no crying in baseball!”
Steve James’ revolutionary documentary follows inner-city Chicago kids William Gates and Arthur Agee throughout their high-school basketball careers. The film culminates in both striving to reach the finals of their city wide championship tournament.
“Remember the Titans” (2001)
Based on the true story of Virginia’s first integrated high school football team (led by coach Denzel Washington), the Titans not only change the views of an entire town, but they go undefeated on their way to a thrilling state championship against an all-white team.
“Friday Night Lights” (2004)
The film that spawned the critically acclaimed TV series (which in turn may spawn a film of its own) is memorable in that its featured team doesn’t win the championship. The Permian Panthers mount a great comeback, but come up one yard short of the state title.
“Miracle” (2004)
In perhaps one of the greatest upsets in sports history, a team of U.S. college hockey players defeated the Soviet Union, the three-time defending gold medal winner and best team in the world, during the Cold War.
"DodgeBall" (2004)
Okay, okay. This is really a parody of sports movies. But for all its send-ups of underdog sports movie formulas, it also embraces them full-heartedly during the gripping championship showdown between the Average Joes and Globo Gym.
“The Fighter” (2010) David O. Russell‘s Oscar-winning picture depicted boxer Mickey Ward’s (Mark Wahlberg) climb up the ranks from middling contender to a shot at the title. The final fight shows the grit and heart that it took for Ward to win the belt.
"Senna" (2010)
The best sports documentaries are as riveting as their scripted counterparts, putting viewers right in the action as if they are watching it unfold live. "Senna" is one of the finest examples, using primarily archival footage with no narration and few interviews to show the bitter Formula 1 rivalry between Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost that led to the 1989 and 1990 championships being decided in controversial fashion at Japan's famed Suzuka Circuit.
"Survive and Advance" (2013)
ESPN's "30 for 30" series included a look at arguably the most famous championship run in college basketball history. In 1983, Jimmy Valvano led the North Carolina State Wolfpack on a streak of nine consecutive overtime or one-point wins, culminating in a last-second basket to win the championship over top-ranked Houston. In this documentary, even though the outcome is known, every game's heart-stopping drama is recreated perfectly.
"Creed" (2015)
The power and hypnotic beauty of this famous running scene from "Creed" as directed by Ryan Coogler is immense. Michael B. Jordan captures the inspiring training run from the original "Rocky" with a modern spirit. You can feel the emotion of the moment so strongly and can't help but root for him.
"Celtics/Lakers: Best of Enemies" (2017)
Another ESPN documentary that puts you right in the moment. Narrated by Lakers fan Ice Cube and Celtics fan Donnie Wahlberg, this five-hour doc covers the most famous championship rivalry in sports, which peaked with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird in the 80s. The tension hits its peak with Game 4 of the 1987 NBA Finals, in which Bird infamously missed a game-tying three-point shot.
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Whether it’s the thrill of victory or the agony of defeat, TheWrap recaps the biggest moments in these sports classics
Back in their dorm room, the religious Freddie, who goes to mass every morning, counsels Bobby to pray for guidance even if he isn’t religious. In this scene, Wittrock does come across as one of those over-intense college guys who always wants you to go to church with them, but this role gives him nothing at all with which to work.
