'Playmobil: The Movie' Review: Feature-Length Toy Commercial Lacks Wit and Heart

Within the first ten minutes of “Playmobil: The Movie,” two kids sing a cute musical number, find out their parents died in a car accident, and after a flash forward of four years, one attempts to run away. If this feels a bit like storytelling whiplash, it’s because it is — and it’s what we’re getting for the rest of the movie.

An uneven story built to sell toy sets with little to no emotional connectivity, overlaid with generic pop music meant to distract from the mess of a narrative, “Playmobil: The Movie” might have been better off going directly to streaming, as it is best watched running in the background of a playdate for pre-schoolers, buried under the noise of kids’ own imaginations but offering the occasional distraction from a total toddler meltdown.

High school graduate Marla (voiced by Anya Taylor-Joy) dreams (and sings) about the adventures she’ll have, grasping her passport she tells her little brother Charlie (Gabriel Bateman) about the far-off lands they will one day explore together — until a knock on the door changes it all. Their parents are dead, immediately making Marla Charlie’s guardian and the head of the household, and ending all her dreams of travel. Four years later, Marla, now twenty-two, works to maintain the home while ten-year-old Charlie yearns to have his thrill-seeking sibling back.

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This lack of fun makes him run away to a not-yet-open toy fair with a massive display of Playmobil toys complete with a Roman Colosseum, a Jurrasic-era set, castles, pirate ships and more. A lighthouse toy set illuminates, and Charlie places his viking figure in one of the many toy sets, and he and Marla begin to argue.

They both reach for the viking figure and are magically transported into the display, as toy figures: Marla as a version of herself, and Charlie as the shirtless, bearded, tattooed viking he owns. Charlie soon gets captured by the evil Emperor Maximus (Adam Lambert) who places his prisoners in a gladiator-style battle against a monster. Marla must find Charlie and figure out how to get both of them home before they are stuck as toy figures forever.

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There are far too many instances of writers Greg Erb, Jason Oremland, and Blaise Hemingway breaking their own rules of the world they’ve created. Though young kids might not catch these moments (for example, Marla can’t figure out how to walk without the use of knees and yet, a minute later, she’s running), small details like that take older kids (and the grown-ups who brought them to the theater) immediately out of the film.

Far too often it feels like the writing team learned the wrong lessons from the success of films like “The LEGO Movie” or “Trolls” big hits. It’s not enough just to have humor (which, despite having Daniel Radcliffe, Kenan Thompson, and Jim Gaffigan in supporting roles, they don’t quite nail) and a mishmash of odd characters (which just adds to the whiplash here); there also needs to be an actual story with a heart to make this make-believe world not only feel real to the audience but also worth sitting in a theater with antsy children for 110 minutes.

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Director Lino DiSalvo, who was the head of animation for “Frozen” and the supervising animator on “Tangled” and “Bolt,” doesn’t seem to display much of what he must have learned as a member of those teams. The animation itself is cute but not groundbreaking, and while there are some moments where the cute is enough to hold someone’s attention for more than a few minutes, the missing heart leaves DiSalvo’s directorial debut feeling lifeless and bland.

During the holiday season, when kids are being aggressively marketed to by every toy company who wants the top spot on Santa’s list, families deserve a movie that isn’t one long toy commercial.

30 Highest Grossing Animated Movies of All Time Worldwide

A look at top animated moneymakers as of May 2020, from "The Lion King" to "Zootopia." The numbers are not adjusted for inflation.
30. "The Incredibles" (2004)

Worldwide Gross: $633,019,734

In 2004, Brad Bird's first Pixar outing wowed audiences with complicated animated action scenes, cross-generational comedy and superhero mayhem.
Pixar Animation Studios
29. "Sing" (2016)

Worldwide Gross: $634,151,679

Illumination's animal-karaoke musical crooned its way onto the list.
28. "Moana" (2016)

Worldwide Gross: $643,331,111

Disney's Hawaii-set movie scored two Oscar nominations, for Best Animated Feature and Lin-Manuel Miranda's song "How Far I'll Go."

Disney
27. "Big Hero 6" (2014)

Worldwide Gross: $657,818,612

Disney's 2014 robot tale combined anime aesthetics, superhero action and Pixar's heart.
Disney Animation Studios
26. "Ice Age: The Meltdown" (2006)

Worldwide Gross: $660,940,780

Fox's 2006 prehistoric romp proved the success of the first was no fluke.
Twentieth Century Fox
25. "Kung Fu Panda 2" (2011)

Worldwide Gross: $665,692,281

With the franchise's skills proven, DreamWorks Animation gave the world another hit of comedy with this animated martial arts sequel in 2011.
Dreamworks Animation Studios
24. "Up" (2009)

Worldwide Gross: $735,099,082

The 2009 fan favorite demonstrated that original ideas with big emotions could make big money.
Pixar Animation Studios
23. "Monsters University" (2013)

Worldwide Gross: $744,229,437

Ten years after the release of "Monsters Inc," Pixar sent fans back to school in a 2013 prequel.
Pixar Animation Studios
22. "Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted" (2012)

Worldwide Gross: $746,921,274

DreamWorks Animation's "Madagascar" series kept the studio afloat with a string of breezy successes, including 2012's third installment.
Dreamworks Animation Studios
21. "Shrek Forever After" (2010)

Worldwide Gross: $752,600,867

The big green ogre's final chapter dropped in 2010.
Dreamworks Animation Studio
20. "Shrek the Third" (2007)

Worldwide Gross: $798,958,162

Made in 2007, this sequel proved there was still some gas left in this fantasy mash-up comedy franchise.
Dreamworks Animation Studio
19. "Coco" (2017)

Worldwide Gross: $807,082,196

Directed by Lee Unkrich, this animated film captured everyone's hearts and even won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature in 2018.
Disney/Pixar
18. "Inside Out" (2015)

Worldwide Gross: $857,611,174

Disney Pixar hit the home run again with this animated feature film about the emotions inside your head, starring Amy Poehler, Mindy Kaling and Bill Hader.
Disney/Pixar
17. "The Secret Life of Pets" (2016)

Worldwide Gross:$875,457,937

Universal/Illumination's story of dogs seeking out adventure while their owners are away charmed its way onto the list.
16. "Ice Age: Continental Drift" (2012)

Worldwide Gross: $877,244,782

Profits abound for this 2012 fourth installment in the chilly prehistoric franchise, followed just behind it's predecessor.
Twentieth Century Fox Animation
15."Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs" (2009)

Worldwide Gross: $888,805,671

While other films have made bigger waves in the States, international sales have always returned big money for Fox's "Ice Age" franchise, proven again by the 2009 entry.
Twentieth Century Fox Animation
14. "Shrek 2" (2004)

Worldwide Gross: $919,838,758

DreamWorks Animation proved to be worthy Pixar competition with its successful "Shrek" franchise.
Dreamworks Animation Studio
13. "Finding Nemo" (2003)

Worldwide Gross: $940,335,536

"Finding Nemo" was something of a second-wind for Pixar, solidifying the company's place as the titans of modern animation.
Pixar Studios
12. "The Lion King" (1994)

Worldwide Gross: $968,483,777

Can you feel the love tonight for this Disney animated classic?
Disney Animation Studios
11. "Despicable Me 2" (2013)

Worldwide Gross: $970,761,885

Illumination's sequel managed to make more money than its predecessor and put the upcoming "Minions" spin-off into motion.
Illumination Studios
10. "Zootopia" (2016)

Worldwide Gross: $1,023,784,195

Disney charmed audiences in 2016 with its cop thriller pairing a rookie rabbit cop and a wily fox informant.
Disney
9. "Finding Dory" (2016)

Worldwide Gross: $1,028,570,889

The sequel to "Finding Nemo" swam right back into audience's hearts.
Pixar
8. "Despicable Me 3" (2017)

Worldwide Gross: $1,034,799,409

Illumination's follow-up -- featuring Gru's blond-haired brother -- became the franchise's biggest grosser.
7. "Toy Story 3" (2010)

Worldwide Gross: $1,066,969,703

Built on Pixar's critical and commercial goodwill, the third installment in the mega-franchise brought in big profits.
Pixar Studios
6. "Toy Story 4" (2019)

Worldwide Gross: $1,073,394,593

Nearly two decades after the last film, Woody and Buzz and the gang returned for the top-grossing film in the series (not adjusted for inflation, that is).

Disney
5. "Minions" (2015)

Worldwide Gross: $1,159,398,397

The little yellow helpers crossed the $1 billion mark at the end of August, raking in more money then "Despicable Me" and "Despicable Me 2" for Universal Pictures.
Universal Pictures/Illumination Entertainment
4. "Incredibles 2" (2018)

Worldwide Gross: $1,242,805,359

The superpowered family sprung back into action a full 14 years after the original -- but far surpassed the original film's box office haul.

Disney/Pixar
3. "Frozen" (2013)

Worldwide Gross: $1,276,480,335

Disney's 2013 smash-hit takes the box office top spot. And then there was merchandising, video on demand and home video that audiences just couldn't let go...
Disney Animation Studios
2. "Frozen II" (2019)

Worldwide Gross: $1,450,026,933

Though it failed to garner an Oscar nom for Best Animated Feature, this sequel still managed to outgross its predecessor.
1. The Lion King (2019)

Worldwide Gross: $1,631,724,000

Whether the film is animated or live-action has been up for debate, the new "Lion King" was computer animated, so we're putting it on the list.
Disney