Real ‘Breaking Bad’: Guy Named Walter White Sentenced for Meth

This holiday season, a beloved story comes magically to life

You’ve probably read a lot of stories about a “real-life” “Breaking Bad” in which a chemistry teacher sells methamphetamine, or a father sells meth to help his family, or someone related to a cop gets into the business.

Yeah, well nice try, other stories. This is the story of a guy who is actually named Walter White doing what Walter White did on the show.

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Click here to see the Great Falls Tribune play it totally straight as it reports that Walter White was sentenced to nine years for possession of meth for distribution, plus three-and-a-half years on weapons charges.

U.S. District Judge Donald Molloy held White responsible for the distribution of 32.5 pounds of meth, a quantity he called “extraordinary.”

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“He ended up getting shot by his son,” Molloy said. “Thirty two-and-a-half pounds of methamphetamine coupled with guns and violence is as about as serious as you can get.”

Well, maybe not. Walter White on the show sold more meth than that. Walt on the show had the middle name Hartwell, while the real Walter White had the middle name Jack.

Also: Jack was the name of the neo-Nazi whose gang Walt was mowing down with a remote-controlled machine gun when he himself was fatally shot.

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Also: The judge in the case has the same last name as me.

And: Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, and Kennedy has a secretary named Lincoln.

And the editor who assigned this story has the middle name Lincoln.