The Brett Kavanaugh situation isn’t going away any time soon, as it looks like the battle over his nomination by Donald Trump to the Supreme Court is really just getting started in earnest. And that story took a weird turn when Kavanaugh went on Fox News Monday and claimed that accusations of sexual assault were false because he was a virgin during those years — an idea that Seth Meyers mocked pretty hard on “Late Night” Tuesday.
“Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and his wife sat down last night for an interview on Fox News, during which he claimed that he was a virgin in high school and for many years after. This brings us to a segment called Couple Things,” Meyers said to set up the segment after his monologue.
“First thing: it does not matter if you are a virgin. You are being accused of sexual assault, not sexual intercourse. Those things have nothing to do with each other. It’s the same as saying ‘I couldn’t have robbed that bank, I’m a virgin.’ ”
Then Meyers delivered the most devastating burn related to this specific point.
“Devoting yourself to celibacy doesn’t mean you can’t be a sexual assaulter. Just ask thousands of priests. Ask ‘em. Go ahead and ask ‘em,” Meyers sad to an uproarious response from the studio audience. “Also, stop saying that you are friends with women. That’s not a defense. Just because you’re friends with one woman doesn’t mean you haven’t been awful to another. That’s like saying you’re a vegetarian because you didn’t eat your dog.”
At this point, Meyers was just getting started, with three more “things” to discuss in the rapid-fire two-and-a-half minute segment.
“Second thing: can we please dispense with the ritual of making your wife sit next to you while you deny sexual assault allegations? It’s a horrible thing to do to a woman while you’re trying to prove you don’t do horrible things to women,” Meyers said. “I’m sure when she said, ‘we should go out more,’ this isn’t what she had in mind. Look at her.
“That’s the face of someone thinking about the guy she dated right before she met you and wondering if she still has his number,” he added.
Meyers then took aim at the irony of being a man speaking on Fox News about not committing sexual assaults.
“Third thing: if you’re trying to distance yourself from sexual assault, maybe Fox News isn’t the place to hang out,” Meyers said. “Usually when they interview someone accused of sexual assault, it’s for a job. Shout out, Bill O’Reilly. Going to Fox News to prove you’re not a pervert is like doing the word search to prove you’re smart.”
And, lastly, Meyers went in on the idea that Kavanaugh could speak authoritatively about not forgetting things.
“Final thing: you said there was never a night when you drank so much you didn’t remember it, but how could you remember that you didn’t forget? That’s the whole point of forgetting,” Meyers said. “That’d be like saying you don’t remember being born, so it didn’t happen. Which at this point I bet you wish you hadn’t been because an FBI investigation may suddenly make you remember what you said you forgot.”
You can watch this entire segment from Tuesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers” in the video embedded at the top of this post.
A History of 'Saturday Night Live' F-Bombs, from Paul Shaffer to Sam Rockwell (Photos)
In more than 40 years of live television, it's amazing there haven't been more people who have dropped an f-bomb on "Saturday Night Live." How is it that Jimmy Fallon has giggled his way through more sketches than there have been Freudian slips from rookie cast members or famous musicians who just couldn't give a f---. (Oops!) Sam Rockwell is the latest to commit "SNL"'s cardinal sin, but he's hardly the first.
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Paul Shaffer, 1980
This is the reason why musicians aren't in more sketches. Shaffer, then a part of "SNL"'s house band, appeared in a sketch during the show's 100th episode in which he was the first in the show's history to ever drop an f-bomb. It was a medieval-themed sketch in which the word "flogging" was repeated over and over until he accidentally slipped. Lorne Michaels gave him a rightful flogging after the fact, telling him, "You broke down the last barrier."
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Charles Rocket, 1981
During the show's early '80s rocky period, cast member Charles Rocket gave the show even more trouble. During a sketch parody of the "Dallas" episode "Who Shot J.R.?," Rocket said, "I'd like to know who the f--- did it," prompting astonishment from the cast and guest host Charlene Tilton. Rocket didn't return the following season. Watch the clip here.
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Prince, 1981
Prince isn't going to censor himself! During a performance of "Partyup," he sang the exact lyric from his song, "Fightin' war is such a f---in' bore," spitting out the lyric before sliding into a power stance split.
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Jon Lovitz, 1989
The writers were just begging someone to screw up with this one. Guest host Tony Danza brought his thick Brooklyn accent to a sketch called "Da War of Da Woilds," in which the cast repeated the word "fonkin'" over and over until Lovitz was the unlucky one to slip. CORRECTION1/22: Jon Lovitz clarified to TheWrap via Twitter that despite the sketch's language, he never dropped the f-bomb, and would've been fired if he had. "The censor for SNL, Bill Clotworthy, who was a very nice man, was quite clear on what we couldn’t say. We had to say “fonkin”... no slips allowed," Lovitz said. He added that the sketch was deemed "too risky" and was never allowed to air again.
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Steven Tyler, 1990
"We're not worthy!" Like Prince, the Aerosmith frontman didn't bother checking his lyrics while performing "Monkey on My Back." Though he managed to stay clean during a guest cameo in a Wayne's World sketch.
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Michael Stipe, 1994
R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe at least had the decency to turn his back toward the crowd when he sang his expletive during a performance of "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" Listen to a recording of their live performance here.
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Beastie Boys, 1994
You can't stop that flow! The Beastie Boys rapped an f-bomb during their performance of "Sure Shot" back in 1994. Hear the moment at the 2-minute mark here.
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Norm Macdonald, 1997
"My farewell performance. Maybe I'll see you next week, folks," Norm Macdonald joked after he flubbed a line while at the Weekend Update desk. You can hear him say, "What the f--- was that," after stumbling over his reading of a joke. Whatever the joke was, it couldn't have been as funny as his mistake.
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System of a Down, 2005
NBC's censors made it through four wild minutes of System of a Down's f-bomb laden chorus to "B.Y.O.B," dropping out their shouted vocals numerous times during the performance. But the guitarist managed to let out one impromptu, guttural yell of "F--- yeah!" that the censors must've been kicking themselves over missing.
Jenny Slate, 2009
In just her first episode as a brand new cast member, Jenny Slate let slip during a sketch with Kirsten Wiig, "You stood up for yourself, and I f---in love you for that." She was let go after just one season, but here's hoping that as her career has grown, the show will one day decide to welcome her back. Watch it here.
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Samuel L. Jackson, 2012
Kenan Thompson was provoking him, right? Jackson just had to sit there during a sketch of "What Up With That," but he couldn't keep his cool. Watch it here.
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Kirsten Stewart, 2017
Kirsten Stewart is just so happy to be here. She went off the cuff during her monologue, speaking sincerely about how she's really not trying to be too cool for school. Watch it here.
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Sam Rockwell, 2018
We'll forgive Sam Rockwell. He just finished starring in "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri," which has more profanity than any Oscar contender this year. Plus, he was in a sketch in which he had to get fed up at some difficult kids. He was just committing to the bit! Watch it here.
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Jenny Slate, Prince, Kirsten Stewart and more have all let the expletive slip
In more than 40 years of live television, it's amazing there haven't been more people who have dropped an f-bomb on "Saturday Night Live." How is it that Jimmy Fallon has giggled his way through more sketches than there have been Freudian slips from rookie cast members or famous musicians who just couldn't give a f---. (Oops!) Sam Rockwell is the latest to commit "SNL"'s cardinal sin, but he's hardly the first.