The Brett Kavanaugh situation isn’t going away any time soon, as it looks like the battle over his nomination by Donald Trump to the Supreme Court is really just getting started in earnest. And that story took a weird turn when Kavanaugh went on Fox News Monday and claimed that accusations of sexual assault were false because he was a virgin during those years — an idea that Seth Meyers mocked pretty hard on “Late Night” Tuesday.
“Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and his wife sat down last night for an interview on Fox News, during which he claimed that he was a virgin in high school and for many years after. This brings us to a segment called Couple Things,” Meyers said to set up the segment after his monologue.
“First thing: it does not matter if you are a virgin. You are being accused of sexual assault, not sexual intercourse. Those things have nothing to do with each other. It’s the same as saying ‘I couldn’t have robbed that bank, I’m a virgin.’ ”
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Then Meyers delivered the most devastating burn related to this specific point.
“Devoting yourself to celibacy doesn’t mean you can’t be a sexual assaulter. Just ask thousands of priests. Ask ‘em. Go ahead and ask ‘em,” Meyers sad to an uproarious response from the studio audience. “Also, stop saying that you are friends with women. That’s not a defense. Just because you’re friends with one woman doesn’t mean you haven’t been awful to another. That’s like saying you’re a vegetarian because you didn’t eat your dog.”
At this point, Meyers was just getting started, with three more “things” to discuss in the rapid-fire two-and-a-half minute segment.
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“Second thing: can we please dispense with the ritual of making your wife sit next to you while you deny sexual assault allegations? It’s a horrible thing to do to a woman while you’re trying to prove you don’t do horrible things to women,” Meyers said. “I’m sure when she said, ‘we should go out more,’ this isn’t what she had in mind. Look at her.
“That’s the face of someone thinking about the guy she dated right before she met you and wondering if she still has his number,” he added.
Meyers then took aim at the irony of being a man speaking on Fox News about not committing sexual assaults.
“Third thing: if you’re trying to distance yourself from sexual assault, maybe Fox News isn’t the place to hang out,” Meyers said. “Usually when they interview someone accused of sexual assault, it’s for a job. Shout out, Bill O’Reilly. Going to Fox News to prove you’re not a pervert is like doing the word search to prove you’re smart.”
And, lastly, Meyers went in on the idea that Kavanaugh could speak authoritatively about not forgetting things.
“Final thing: you said there was never a night when you drank so much you didn’t remember it, but how could you remember that you didn’t forget? That’s the whole point of forgetting,” Meyers said. “That’d be like saying you don’t remember being born, so it didn’t happen. Which at this point I bet you wish you hadn’t been because an FBI investigation may suddenly make you remember what you said you forgot.”
You can watch this entire segment from Tuesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers” in the video embedded at the top of this post.
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