Families with canines are better off staying home and having an old-fashioned backyard frolic than trotting out to see “Show Dogs,” a panting, poorly trained entry in the live-action/talking animal genre that for once makes viewers long for the candy-colored, half-witted professionalism of third-tier Pixar-knockoff animation.
Had it all been digitally rendered and pushed to the edges of anthropomorphized wackiness, you could see where a Las Vegas dog show hiding nefarious doings and infiltrated by a mismatched pair of crimefighters (one four-legged, one bipedal) might make for a suitably diverting afternoon for parents and kids alike.
But however vigorous was the effort on the part of hard-working trainers to get the movie’s various breeds — Rottweilers, pugs, Papillons and more — to hit their marks, the movie around them, as directed by Raja Gosnell (“The Smurfs,” “Scooby-Doo”) feels no compulsion to be as dutiful in its call to entertain. String a few dozen of the cutest YouTube videos posted by pet owners, and an exhibitor would have a better reason to charge an admission fee than they would asking anyone to pay to see “Show Dogs.”
The movie’s front-and-center canine is Max, a gung-ho Rottweiler in the NYPD’s K9 unit. Voiced by Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Max is a streetwise, macho, rap-loving lawdog, although the actor’s brusquely funny way with “Fast and the Furious” dialogue is rarely in evidence having to recite the hopelessly corny lines (“bite out of crime,” yadda yadda) provided him in Max Botkin’s and Mark Hyman’s screenplay.
Max is staking out an animal-smuggling ring at the Brooklyn docks when his play is botched by the interference of a similarly determined FBI agent named Frank (Will Arnett). But naturally, the two are soon paired — against their wishes, of course — when the trail leads to a prestigious dog competition in Las Vegas, where it’s believed a kidnapped baby panda is going to be sold behind the scenes. To get close to the ritzy invitational’s inner workings, however, and to ferret out the gang’s ringleader, Frank must pose as a contestant, with purebred Max as his competing companion.
Before you can say “Turner & Hooch” (referenced in “Show Dogs” with a semi-amusing joke about its canine lead’s subsequent career), we’re hurled into a haphazardly shot and charmless collection of old-dog-learns-new-tricks scenes related to gruff, no-nonsense Max’s incompatibility among pampered, preening specimens, a few of whom nevertheless become comrades in his undercover quest: three-time champion Philippe (Stanley Tucci), a past-his-prime Papillon who shows Max zee ropes; a friendly Australian Shepherd named Daisy (Jordin Sparks); and incessant fanboy pug Sprinkles (Gabriel Iglesias).
Managing a few no-frills smiles on the sidelines are an aphorism-spouting Zen Komondor (Shaquille O’Neal), and RuPaul fiercely voicing an elaborately groomed — too obvious? — creature named Persephone. But the less said about a trio of witless pigeons who follow Max around, the better.
Despite having gotten his own paws wet with this kind of kid-centered material before, director Gosnell shows little flair for digging into the peculiar appeal of eccentric dog competitions — “Best in Show,” you’re safe — or for showcasing the movie’s star creatures in any way other than as manipulatable figures in a tired rundown of bodily function jokes and scenes of action peril.
That its canine cast’s one-liners are groanworthy is a given, but what’s odd is that there’s little about “Show Dogs” you could even call cute, which, frankly, seems odd for a movie so sure of its dog-powered pizzazz that it has a chihuahua make the winking crack that nobody makes talking-animal movies anymore. (Maybe because the voice actors in these things give the kind of performances that suggest a phoned-in session sandwiched between business calls?)
Mostly, you just feel sorry for the featured canines, and occasionally, the special effects team whose CGI enhancements — as when Max reacts to his first bikini wax, or involving a stunt that would raise the hackles of the SPCA — resemble the kind of clerical errors uninspired office drudges make. Arnett gamely works his patented gruff fumbler shtick, but the real saving grace is fellow human Natasha Lyonne as Daisy’s owner Mattie, the kind-hearted dog lover and former champion who shows Arnett’s Frank the ropes and smiles like she’s actually happy to be in a nutty animal movie.
Had “Show Dogs” somehow figured out how to generate what seems to come so easily to Lyonne –warmth, sunniness, caring, good humor — then maybe it could have been a tasty treat instead of a slobbery, chewed-up toy.
16 Scene-Stealing Animals in Movies, From 'The Wizard of Oz' to 'Captain Marvel' (Photos)
There are a lot of fun animal movies. But the animals that most jump out at us are the ones that come from movies that are NOT about animals. They’re the ones that genuinely steal the spotlight for a moment from their human counterparts and deserve just as much acclaim. Here are 16 that stole the show.
Toto the Dog – “The Wizard of Oz”
Is there a more famous dog in the history of movies? Capable of infiltrating an army of Oz soldiers and making sure you pay attention to that man behind the curtain, we’d choose Toto, whose real name was Terry, as a pet over Lassie or Rin Tin Tin any day.
MGM
Asta the Dog - "The Thin Man"
Another classic animal star, the wire fox terrier Skippy portrayed Asta in "The Thin Man" films and over a dozen movies overall throughout the 1930s. Skippy starred opposite William Powell, Myrna Loy, Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn and more.
MGM
Capuchin Monkey - "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
The Indiana Jones question that has plagued fans for decades centers on the capuchin monkey perched on the shoulder of a Nazi soldier that manages to do the Seig Heil salute. Does that mean the monkey was a Nazi or was it just taught to perform the gesture? And either way, did it deserve its untimely fate at the hands of the face-melting Ark?
Paramount Pictures
Norman the Calf – “City Slickers”
Winning the part through a literal cattle call, Norman won the part after Billy Crystal came to the ranch where the calf was raised and picked it for having a “sweet Bambi look” and the “cutest face of all,” according to EW.
Columbia Pictures
Phil the Groundhog – “Groundhog Day”
Punxsutawney Phil gives a pretty good performance “for a quadraped” in the classic romantic comedy “Groundhog Day,” in which Murray’s character Phil Connors snaps, kidnaps the groundhog and gets in a high-speed chase. “Don’t drive angry!”
Columbia Pictures
Mr. Jinx the Cat – “Meet the Parents”
Deep down every cat owner wants to believe that they might train it as well as Robert De Niro figures out how to train Mr. Jinx to use the toilet. Just don’t try to milk your own cat.
Universal
Baxter the Dog – “Anchorman”
“You know I don’t speak Spanish!” Ron Burgundy’s multi-lingual, cheese-loving, pajama-wearing pet deserves some sort of medal for getting punted into the San Diego Bay. The original dog that played Baxter, Peanut, died in 2010, and a replacement, Quince, was cast to play Baxter in the sequel.
DreamWorks Pictures
Tiger – “The Hangover”
Yes, Mike Tyson really does have three pet tigers. The screenwriters even rewrote the script to include Tyson when they decided they wanted a tiger to appear in the Wolfpack’s hotel suite.
Warner Bros.
Joey the Horse - "War Horse"
We'll give that "War Horse" is technically a movie about an animal, but Steven Spielberg's sweeping war epic is actually so effective in part because of the 15 horses that managed to give an expressive, unified performance as the wonder-horse Joey.
DreamWorks
Uggie the Dog – “The Artist”
A true performer and in a way inspired by Asta from the Golden Hollywood era, Uggie often stole the stage from star Jean Dujardin both onscreen and off, making the rounds during the film’s press cycle and even getting his paw prints at the Chinese Theatre. Sadly, Uggie was put down in 2015 at age 13 after a battle with prostate cancer.
Warner Bros.
Cat – “Inside Llewyn Davis”
The cat Oscar Isaac’s Llewyn Davis holds in the Coen Brothers’ film isn’t just a lost house pet: it’s a symbol for all of Davis’s failures as a person, as a musician and as someone who can feel empathy. Plus it’s surprisingly comfortable on the subway.
CBS Films
Daisy the Dog - "John Wick" (2014)
Lesson learned: do not mess with John Wick's dog. This adorable, 1-year-old beagle at the time of filming won the job over a dozen other puppies in the filmmakers search for "the cutest dog in the world" and managed to warm the heart of even the most cold-blooded of assassins as played by Keanu Reeves.
Summit Entertainment
Black Phillip the Goat – “The Witch” (2016)
The goat in Robert Eggers’s indie horror gem “The Witch” is a very real, 210-pound billy goat named Charlie that gives such a devilishly good performance, turning completely demonic in a surprise twist, that A24 actually made an awards campaign promo for it. The same goat even later showed up in A24’s “It Comes at Night.”
A24
Little Man the Bird - "I, Tonya"
The bird perched on Allison Janney's shoulder in "I, Tonya" might've won her an Oscar. Janney actually "auditioned" three separate birds for the role and this one "just sat there and was so sweet," she told the New York Times. But when the time came to film, it kept pecking at her oxygen tank, forcing her to step up her game and focus.
Neon
Olivia the Westie - "Widows" and "Game Night"
This fluffy star in the making appeared in not one but two 2018 hits, the thriller "Widows" and the comedy "Game Night." Olivia gave an especially good performance when Brian Tyree Henry's character in "Widows" was forced to violently pick her up by the scruff. But all's well that ended well when the two reunited on a talk show.
Fox/Warner Bros.
Goose the Cat - "Captain Marvel"
The important thing to know about Goose is that he's not actually a cat, but rather a "flerken," a vicious, multi-tentacled space beast who can gobble up an army of alien soldiers and leave a permanent scratch for one Nick Fury.
Marvel
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Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore
There are a lot of fun animal movies. But the animals that most jump out at us are the ones that come from movies that are NOT about animals. They’re the ones that genuinely steal the spotlight for a moment from their human counterparts and deserve just as much acclaim. Here are 16 that stole the show.