“SNL” brought out one final “At Home” episode this week, with NBC wrapping up season 45 with this episode. And this time Alec Baldwin made his first physical appearance, after phoning in to Weekend Update in April.
Trump had a very special purpose for showing up this week — he was there to deliver a virtual commencement speech to a group of high school seniors over Zoom, just like a bunch of other people including his Barack and Michelle Obama are doing. And, uh, it went about as well as could be expected.
“Congratulations to the class of COVID-19. Wow, what incredible energy and excitement I’m feeling right now. Now, my valet got the virus so I had to do my own makeup,” Baldwin-Trump said.
“I had to resort to a Liza Minnelli TikTok makeup tutorial. I’m so honored to be your valedicator, but today’s not about me. It’s about you. Although I should spend a little time on me first because I’ve been treated very poorly. Even worse than they treated Lincoln,” a reference to a thing Trump actually said.
“SNL” cast member Chris Redd then interjected: “I’m sorry wasn’t Lincoln assassinated?”
“I’m not taking questions, Bebop,” Trump replied. “I’m only telling you the truth. Lincoln would agree. He’s probably smiling up at me from hell right now.”
Then came “SNL” star Kenan Thompson, who said: “Hey, what is this, dude?”
“OK, let’s mute him. Let’s mute a lot of the jazz types. Great,” said Trump.”
“You’re actually lucky to be graduating right now,” Baldwin-Trump continued. “There are so many exciting new jobs out there like grocery store bouncer, cam girl, porch pirate, amateur nurse and coal. Don’t forget about coal, it’s in the ground and you just stick down and grab it.”
Then “SNL” regular Beck Bennett chimed in: “I don’t want to do that.”
But Trump didn’t stop. “I’m gonna make sure colleges are open in the fall,” he said. “Online college is a scam and I should know my online college was ranked number one craziest scam by US News every year it was open.”
“No, we want Fauci!” interrupted Bennett
“Sure, everyone loves Fauci,” Trump said as Bennett repeated “Fauci!”
“And don’t you hate when these elite medical experts tell you what to do?” — at this point Trump coughed, said “Just excuse me,” and drank from a bottle of Clorox bleach. “Good old invincibility juice. Cheers to you guys,” Trump said, a reference to the time Trump literally, no kidding, suggested that people inject disinfectant into their bodies to fight coronavirus. (Please, we beg you, no one do this. It will probably kill you.)
At that point a bunch of the students left the call.
“Look. I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I know this is hard, so I’m gonna give you some real advice,” Baldwin-Trump continued. “Believe in yourselves and you can achieve anything. Look at me. I started as the son of a simple wealthy slumlord and grew to become a billionaire, a president, and the world’s leading expert on infectious diseases. Surround yourself with the worst people you can find. That way, you’ll always shine. If you don’t understand something, just call it stupid.”
“Never wear sunscreen. And live every day like it’s your last because we’re gonna let this virus run wild,” Trump said. “This virus that, remember, was started in a lab in Obama. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite inspirational quotes: ‘Reach for the stars, because if your star they’ll let you do it.” Thank you class of 2020 and let’s have the greatest summer of our lives. Who’s with me?”
The lone student left on the call, “SNL” cast member Heidi Gardner wearing a MAGA graduation cap, says “yeah!”
“Wow this crowd has thinned down faster than Adele,” Baldwin-Trump said.
And at the very end, Baldwin broke character to address the audience.
“And taped from my home one last time, it’s Saturday night.”
You can watch the full cold open from this week’s “SNL At Home” in the video embedded up at the top of this article.