Despite an extremely eventful week in the world of American politics, “SNL” opted to open its latest episode with a sketch about Lori Loughlin, Michael Avenatti and Julian Assange being in prison together. Assange was played by Michael Keaton in a surprise appearance, with “SNL” regular Kate McKinnon as Laughlin and Pete Davidson as Avenatti.
The sketch eased into their introduction, started with three inmates talking about what they did to end up in prison.
“I’m the craziest dude in here,” said “SNL” cast member Kenan Thompson. “I stabbed my neighborhood to death and then ate his fingers so they couldn’t ID the body.”
“Oh, yeah? You think that’s insane?” McKinnon, as Loughlin, said as she came in from offscreen. “I paid 500 grand to get my daughter into USC.”
The other inmates were increasingly taken aback by this declaration, and were increasingly appalled as Loughlin explained the many other pointless things she blew money on.
Davidson as Avenatti was introduced next, with Keaton as Assange coming in last.
“It’s me. I’m the architect of anarchy. I’m the king of chaos. I’m the scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy,” said Keaton/Avenatti.
“Yeah? What’s the big deal? Old man doesn’t look so tough,” “SNL” cast member Kyle Mooney said, not recognizing Assange.
“You want to throw down, amigo?” Keaton’s Assange replied.”You want to? I hope you’re proud of every single photo in your iPod because, boom, all your ding dong pics just went on the internet.”
Mooney’s character scoffed at this.
“Hey, you remember that notes folder you had? What was that called? ‘Ideas for Shark Tank’?
“How did you know about that?” Mooney asked.
“I know everything, baby,” Keaton’s Assange said. “You sons of bitches want to hear how crazy I am? Here’s how crazy I am. I’m wanted in the US and Sweden. I’m from Australia. I live in London, in Ecuador. You try figuring that one out. Yeah, you cheat your schools and, you know, you rob your companies. That’s cute. It is, yeah. I’ve attacked the U.S. military, bitches, because I’m an actual James Bond super villain and I’m one step away from destroying the goddamn moon. So you want to get nuts? Come on, let’s get nuts.”
That last bit was a reference to Keaton’s 1989 blockbuster “Batman.”
Watch some of it below:
— Saturday Night Live – SNL (@nbcsnl) April 14, 2019