On Saturday’s coronavirus quarantine episode of “SNL,” Larry David showed up to once again portray Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders. And in the clip, David-as-Sanders explained what went wrong with his now-ended presidential campaign.
“Always a bridesmaid, never the Democratic nominee,” David’s Sanders joked at the beginning of the clip, which you can watch above now.
David taped the clip from his own house where, like pretty much everyone else, he is quarantining from home. As a result he didn’t have access to stage makeup and a wig to complete his Bernie Sanders costume, a fact he nodded to early on. “Because of the stress of the campaign and the coronavirus, I’ve lost a lot of hair on top,” David said. “Which I don’t think is coming back anytime soon, unfortunately.”
After a couple of jokes referencing the national run on toilet paper, David’s Sanders got to the point. “I know a lot of you have questions, and because I can’t download Zoom on my Dell computer, I thought I’d answer them all right here,” he said.
“Question No. 1: What the hell happened? First of all, math happened,” David-Sanders said. “And it didn’t help that the media lined up behind Joe Biden like he lines up behind a set of lady’s shoulders.”
“Which brings me to my next question: Will I endorse Joe Biden?” David as Sanders continued. “It’s not about if I endorse. I’m going to endorse. It’s about how I endorse. A full-throated I ENDORSE THIS MAN? Or more the ehhhhhhhh, soft endorsement.”
Then he changed topics, saying, “Let’s move on to the real crisis: coronavirus.”
David as Sanders noted that “our health care workers don’t even have the proper protective equipment. They don’t have Purell, they don’t even have the little key chain that has the bottle of Purell that goes on your purse. Their gloves have holes in the fingers like Oliver Twist. And I should know — I went to high school with Oliver Twist.”
“To tackle this pandemic, guess what we have to do? No more handshakes, no more high fives, and don’t even mention the Euro kiss,” he continued. “The only greeting we need is the half-wave. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, go away.”
As for Bernie Sanders, now that he’s abandoned his bid to become the Democratic nominee for president, David’s Sanders told people not to worry. “It’s spring in Vermont, so soon it’ll be up to 40 degrees. And I finally have the time to relax, and finish that heart attack from October,” he said. “But my immediate plan is to do anything I can to beat Donald Trump. That’s why I’m voting for Joe Biden as enthusiastically as Joe voted for the Iraq war.” Ouch.
Before ending the bit, David as Sanders said, “I just want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who voted for me. The young people, the queer people, the Brendas, the Kyles and of course, the hot girls who love weed.”
But, he added: “And to the little bird who landed on my podium during the last election: Where the hell were you this time?”