Fox News host Laura Ingraham has lost a lot of advertisers since she made fun of David Hogg, one of the more outspoken survivors of the Parkland school shooting, on Twitter. More than two dozen sponsors have fled her show in the past two weeks. But maybe not all is lost — Ingraham, as played by Kate McKinnon, visited Weekend Update on this week’s “SNL” to unveil a whole host of totally real new sponsors for her show. Including “Carl’s Sr.” and “Cream Soda, the soda for whites.”
Below you’ll find a transcript of McKinnon’s appearance as Ingraham, and you can watch this segment in the video embedded above. Which you should watch because it’s really not possible to really capture McKinnon’s impeccable impersonation in text form. You can see the rest of Weekend Update from this week’s “SNL” right here.
Weekend Update co-host Colin Jost: “This week Red Lobster, Blue Apron, and Slim Fast joined the advertiser boycott against Fox News host Laura Ingraham after she mocked Parkland survivor David Hogg for getting rejected from four colleges. She’s back on her show after her forced hiatus. Here to comment is Laura Ingraham.”
Kate McKinnon as Laura Ingraham: “Hi Colin. Thank you. Hi. Thanks for having me.”
Jost: ‘You’re welcome. You’re welcome. And congratulations on returning to your show.”
Ingraham: “Thank you. It’s so good to be back after that planned vacation. It was so fun and so planned and so scheduled a long time ago. Look, the important thing is I am back. And I’m not going to cave to bullying from the ‘tolerant left.’ I don’t care if I lost a couple sponsors.”
Jost: “Yeah, well, so far you’ve lost 27.”
Ingraham: “Yeah. And all because I trolled a’ traumatized teen’? After spewing venom for decades, Twitter suddenly has made me accountable? Okay. You know what, that can’t keep me down. Because I’m really excited about some of my new sponsors. Like Carl’s Sr. — leftover Carl’s Jr. food ground to mush for old people. Mmm-mmm, Carl’s Sr. And YourPillow. From the makers of MyPillow. Send us your pillow. We need more pillows. Or how about Shkreli’s Jelly. It’s just jelly that’s $8,000 a jar.”
Jost: “Are those real products, Laura?”
Ingraham: “Yep. You see, the totalitarian left can attack me all they want. But I will continue to defend the First Amendment. That’s my right to bully people without being bullied in return. Right, Colin?
Jost: “Yeah, no, that’s not how it works, Laura.”
Ingraham: “Oh, fine. But just look. Don’t boycott my show. Our country’s so divided right now, and I’m an important part of that. Let’s move on. You know I’m going to say something worse. Why don’t you just watch the show and find out what that’s going to be? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to mention more of my sponsors. Like Lady Bump Stock. The lightweight bump stocks for delicate hands. And Reverse Mortgage. We’ll take that house now. And how about Malaysian Airlines. Caught in a scandal and need an escape? Malaysian Airlines.” [Ingraham spreads her arms to mimic an airplane]
Jost: “Okay, Laura, I really– [laughing] Don’t act out Malaysian — I don’t think those are real sponsors.”
Ingraham: “What do you want me to say? I’m getting pwned by teenagers. Am I using that right?”
Jost: “I don’t really–”
Jost: “I definitely don’t know.”
Ingraham: “I don’t understand anything anymore. I mean, Emma Gonzalez looks like some badass superhero trying to change the world. But when I was in high school it was bad to try. I said I wanted to try art, and I got kicked in the face. But I didn’t say I was getting bullied, I just grew up into this. But you know who’s not afraid to sponsor this? Cream Soda. The soda for whites. You got the white one, baby!”
Jost: “All right, all right. All right, Laura, I think that’s enough.”
Ingraham: “Can I say one more thing about the Parkland kids?”
Jost: “No! That got you in trouble.”
Ingraham: “Oh, fine.”
Jost: “Laura Ingraham, everyone.”
Ingraham: “Watch my show while you can!”
For the rest of this week’s edition of Weekend Update on “SNL,” you can check out this post right here.