It was a typically contentious opening portion of Weekend Update on this week’s “Saturday Night Live,” with the jokes at Donald Trump’s expense coming extra fast and furious because “SNL” has been off the air for the past two weekends — and hosts Michael Che and Colin Jost had a lot of ground to cover.
“Well, the National Guard has been deployed to the Mexican border, our trade war with China keeps escalating, and a porn star says she can give a detailed description of the president’s penis. And yes, I listed those stories from least to most disturbing,” Jost joked to start off the segment.
“The Trump administration has also published a list of Chinese exports that could be targeted for tariffs, including salt, rubber and animal blood. Which are the exact ingredients in Monster Energy Drink,” Jost continued. “President Trump defended his trade policies on Twitter, saying this about our trade deficit with China: ‘When you’re already $500 billion down, you can’t lose.’ What kind of degenerate gambler logic is that? It can always get worse, man. If your plane loses an engine after takeoff, the pilot doesn’t say, ‘We’re still flying to Hawaii anyway, because when you’re already one engine down, you can’t lose.'”
Michael Che then discussed the tariffs coming at the U.S. from the other direction.
Among the U.S. products facing higher tariffs are dried nuts, something the Trump administration is very familiar with, Che said, a joke about the Trump administration being full of crazy old men.
“Experts say that Trump’s new tariffs will directly hurt U.S. manufacturers. but why would Trump ever care about what experts say? Experts also said he couldn’t win the presidency. And that eating four bags of McDonald’s a day will kill you. But somehow there he is, healthy as a fat horse.”
Che continued: “I don’t think we want to get in a trade war with China, though. If Canal Street has taught me anything, it’s that there is nothing we have that the Chinese can’t just make themselves. That’s where I get all my Fucci from.”
Jost then had a couple jokes about Trump’s new feud with Amazon and his relationship with Vladimir Putin.
“This week shade queen Donald Trump also repeatedly attacked Amazon on Twitter. If I were Amazon I would troll him right back. I’d just constantly send the White House copies of ‘Fire and Fury’, and Stormy Daniels DVDs or things Trump really hates, like vegetables,” Jost joked. “Kremlin officials are also saying, during a call last month, President Trump invited Vladimir Putin to come visit him at the White House. Worse, when Trump hung up, he accidentally said, ‘Love you, bye.'”
You can watch all of this week’s Weekend Update on “SNL,” which included a visit from Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg (as played by Alex Moffat), in the videos embedded below.