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‘Star Wars’ Galactic Empire Criticizes the White House over Death Star Decision

Emperor Palpatine's regime says the U.S. Government's inability to construct such a weapon confirms military superiority over planet Earth

The White House's refusal to seriously consider building a Death Star is making our nation look weaker in the eyes of one of our greatest (but fortunately, fictional) enemies — the Galactic Empire.

Emperor Palpatine's regime from the "Star Wars" universe has weighed in on the issue sparked by over 25,000 U.S. signatures petitioning President Barack Obama's administration to begin building the massive space station — capable of destroying entire planets with one laser beam blast — by 2016. 

Also read: Obama Responds to Petition to Deport Piers Morgan

A press release from the Dark Side, published on the Star Wars Blog on Tuesday, concludes that the U.S. government's decision to pursue other, more peaceful space projects only confirms "the overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire."

And even if the U.S. did consider constructing a weapon as powerful as the Death Star, the Galactic Empire questioned whether Earthlings possessed enough responsibility to handle it.

“It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories said in a statement. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

According to an Imperial Starfleet official, the $850,000,000,000,000,000 cost cited in the White House's tongue-in-cheek response to the Death Star petition is completely inaccurate.

“The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated," added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet. "Though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production."

So while the space station equivalent to the Death Star is a long way off, the White House was eager to remind concerned American citizens that a probe to explore the exterior layers of the Sun is being built, along with a powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.