For nine straight years, Stephen Colbert has been celebrating Rosh Hashanah by setting up his toll-free “Atone Phone,” allowing those who have wronged him to call up and ask for his forgiveness.
“Traditionally this is a time to apologize to all those you have wronged. Now I do not follow this tradition because I am not Jewish and I have never been wrong,” Colbert said.
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The number to call the “Atone Phone” remains the same: 1-888-OOPS-JEW. But those digits also belong to some other organizations, such as “1-888-MORZ-KDZ,” a hotline for children interested in Morse Code, and “1-888-O-NPR-LDY,” a sex-chat line where Terry Gross tells you what she’s wearing.
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In order to get to the “Atone Phone,” be sure to dial 2. Only one phone call came in during the broadcast, from folk musician Jeff Tweedy. He explained to Colbert that he had converted to Judaism last year.
“And you’re racked with guilt because you betrayed both Jesus and me?” Colbert asked.
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Tweedy confessed that he was actually calling to apologize for not inviting Colbert to his Bar Mitzvah. Colbert also indulged in the traditional apples and honey and blew on the shofar, a hollowed-out ram’s horn.
“Mm, it still tastes just as rammy as ever,” Colbert said.
Watch the video from Wednesday night’s “The Colbert Report” above.