Colbert Predicts What FBI Found at Mar-a-Lago: Missile Locations or ‘Alien Technology That Keeps Paul Rudd From Aging’ (Video)

Once again, the “Late Show” host sought to find the funny in the raid at Trump’s Florida property

The FBI descending on former president Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago property, searching it and removing at least a dozen boxes on Monday, continued to fascinate “Late Show” host Stephen Colbert during his second-to-last show of the week.

On Thursday, Colbert once again dove into the topic that has been featured in at least three of his monologues so far.

“As we continue to learn more details about the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago earlier this week, it does not look good for former president Velveeta Voldemort,” Colbert said, opening his show with his latest nickname for Trump.

“The former president and his minions have tried to play the victim card here saying, ‘Why he’s just a simple country club owner, and that this whole investigation is a nothing burger,’” Colbert said, doing a slightly Southern accent. “But it’s beginning to look like the investigation is a ‘Something Royale with Cheese.’ Now I’m not gonna get my hopes up. I’ve been hurt too many times. I still have to get a dermatologist to remove my Robert Mueller tramp stamp. It’s gonna sting, it’s gonna sting.”

The “Late Show” host went on to find a continued wealth of material in reports that there was a mole in the Trump camp that alerted the authorities, including making a Rudy Giuliani visual joke, showing the lawyer opposite an actual mole. 

As he continued, though, Colbert made some guesses on what kind of information might be in the boxes seized by the FBI.

Colbert’s show was pre-taped before a report came out in the Washington Post late Thursday evening that the agents were looking for nuclear-related documents, but he managed to guess that anyway, peppering it in alongside a joke about the eternal youthful appearance of “Avengers” star Paul Rudd.

“We just learned that the ex-president received a subpoena this spring for the documents, but he didn’t hand them all over. So months later, the Justice Department had to act because the documents were so sensitive in nature and related to national security. Sounds like he’s got some high level stuff in his basement. Could be anything – missile locations, lists of CIA sources, the alien technology that keeps Paul Rudd from aging,” he said to laughs.

Watch Colbert’s full monologue, most of which was about the FBI search, above.