Stephen Colbert spent the bulk of his “Late Show” monologue Wednesday night talking about these two things: Donald Trump’s sex scandal, and Donald Trump’s sex scandal. And, no, those two items are not referring to the same Donald Trump.
Yes, as you may know both Donald Trump, the president, and Donald Trump Jr. are embroiled in sex scandals. The elder Trump dealing with the Stormy Daniels situation, which balloons by the day, and Jr. is getting divorced after his wife Vanessa after it was revealed that he may have had an affair with Aubrey O’Day from “Celebrity Apprentice.”
One of the big points from this week in the Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump dispute is Daniels’ lawyer saying this week that she was “threatened physically” to stay quiet — a claim that Trump lawyer Michael Cohen vehemently denies. Cohen also continues to claim he paid Daniels $130,000 in hush money because he just loves Donald Trump so much: “I truly care about him and the family.”
“Yes, this porn star payoff is just Michael Cohen showing the care of a simple country lawyer,” Colbert quipped before launching into a “To Kill a Mockingbird”-inspired speech. “As Atticus Finch once said, ‘I’m no idealist to firmly believe in the integrity of a married man’s God-given right to bang a porn star, to be spanked on his chunky buttocks with a rolled up magazine. I am confident that you will review, without passion, this briefcase loaded with $130,000, and stay silent about this pervert in the White House. In the name of God, do your duty.’ Thank you.”
And that’s when Colbert then transitioned over to the other Donald Trump’s similar situation.
“And Donald Trump isn’t the only person caught in an extramarital sex scandal. In fact, he’s not even the only person caught in an extramarital sex scandal named Donald Trump. Because you’ve probably heard by now that Donald Trump Jr. is being sued for divorce by his wife, Vanessa,” Colbert said. “Now, there’s nothing funny about a marriage ending… is something I believed until I heard this story because now it’s been revealed that Donald Trump Jr. had an affair with ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ contestant Aubrey O’Day while he was married. Aubrey O’Day? Aubrey O’Day is a celebrity? I think they’ve lowered their standards. Not as much as she did, but still.”
Colbert was amused by the situation for several different reasons, including the elder Trump’s alleged reaction to the affair when it happened and the fact that O’Day apparently wrote a song about Don Jr.
“Apparently, when Trump Sr heard about the affair, he told Don Jr to ‘knock it off.’ You know you’re in trouble when Donald Trump is giving you marriage advice. ‘Knock it off, extramarital affairs are my thing. Who do you think you are, some kind of Donald Trump Jr?” It doesn’t look like this scandal is going away anytime soon because now people are asking if Aubrey O’Day’s song “DJT” is about Donald Trump Jr.,” Colbert said.
“O’Day’s song includes lyrics like, “I hate me for loving you, hate you for letting our love die.” I get the first part. That’s very relatable. But the second part surprises me. You’ve got to expect heartbreak when you date a Trump. Their family motto is ‘Here’s your cash, now zip it.'”
You can watch Colbert’s monologue in the videos embedded below.