'The Longest Ride' Review: Scott Eastwood's Abs Take Center Stage in Nicholas Sparks Adaptation

“The Longest Ride” offers two Nicholas Sparks movies crammed into one, but wouldn’t you know it, as it’s the less-interesting one that gets the lion’s share of screen time. Fans of Sparks’ sappy trademarks — manly men wearing distressed flannel shirts and driving weathered pickup trucks, bright-eyed women with smarts and careers but lacking a manly man in a flannel shirt to make their lives complete — will come away satisfied, but the rest of the world may find all of this less than enchanting.

The A-story falls into what a filmmaker friend of mine calls “pretty white people with problems.” Luke (Scott Eastwood) is a champion bull rider whose career gets sidetracked after a nasty bucking leaves him injured. Gets back on the bull a year later, he locks eyes with college senior Sophia (Britt Robertson, “Under the Dome”), who was dragged there by her sorority sisters. Manhattan-bound after her graduation from Wake Forest University, she at first ignores Luke’s invitations to dinner before eventually succumbing to his charms.

On their way home from their date, they spot a car that drove off the road; Luke carries driver Ira Levinson (Alan Alda) to safety, while Sophia rescues a box on the passenger side that contains decades’ worth of Ira’s letters to his late wife, Ruth. To help him recover, Sophia reads the correspondence aloud to the hospitalized man, leading to the B-story, flashbacks of young Ira (Jack Huston, “Kill Your Darlings”) courting Ruth (Oona Chaplin, “Game of Thrones”) in 1940s North Carolina, where Ruth’s family settled after fleeing Europe.

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Director George Tillman Jr. (“Men of Honor”) and screenwriter Craig Bolotin (“Black Rain”), adapting Sparks’ novel, relegate Ira to the role of Magical Geezer, whose main importance to the story is teaching Luke and Sophia important lessons about life and love. As it turns out, however, the saga of Ira and Ruth feels more vital and has more at stake than whether or not Luke will stop bull riding or if Sophia will give up her ambitions in the art world to stay in North Carolina.

The Levinsons, after all, had to contend first with World War II and later with their inability to bear children, even though Ruth wanted a big family. As a schoolteacher, she poured her desire to parent into taking care of her students, particularly one impoverished child, the culmination of whose story provides “The Longest Ride” with its only genuinely affecting moment. (Not among the couple’s problems was anti-Semitism, since this film apparently exists in the same cuckoo dimension as “The Identical,” where no such bigotry existed in the mid-century Deep South.)

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I found myself rewriting practical solutions to Luke and Sophia’s barely-there problems: Settle in Marfa or some other Texas art colony where you can both pursue your passions. Or better yet, let Sophia move to New York City, where the chiseled Luke could easily get a gig as an underwear model: The real love story in “The Longest Ride” is between Eastwood and David Tattersall’s camera, which spends so much time leering over the actor’s cheekbones, abs and other attributes that you begin to wonder if someone’s going to call Human Resources. With that much objectification going on, Robertson is left standing to the side waiting for some attention from either her co-star or her cinematographer.

Eastwood is, of course, Clint’s son — the profile’s a giveaway, to say nothing of the incipient crinkles in both his voice and his forehead — but he’s not the only legacy in the cast. Huston is the grandson of John and Chaplin is the daughter of Geraldine and the granddaughter of Charlie. The latter two give performances that go a long way toward making you wish their story had been the focus of the film. (The 79-year-old Alda, talented as he is, doesn’t quite sell the fact that he’s playing a character who has to be at least 93.)

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Overall, “The Longest Ride” feels cloying and contrived; the only time it’s unpredictable is when the plot takes a turn so utterly unbelievable that, admittedly, no one would see it coming. It’s the kind of movie where someone who loves contemporary art in the 1940s (as Ruth does) is visionary and progressive but someone who loves it today (as Sophia does) is a dupe and a sucker.

If you’re moved by Ruth and Ira’s lifelong love of art, check out the 2008 documentary “Herb and Dorothy,” about a real-life couple who amass a collection comparable to the one featured in “The Longest Ride.” And if you want to see a genuinely moving romance based on a Nicholas Sparks novel, well, you may just have to dust off that DVD of “The Notebook” yet again.

18 Dramatic Championship Sports Movie Moments: From 'Rocky' to 'Remember the Titans' (Photos)

"The Pride of the Yankees" (1942)

This beautifully dramatized moment of sports history, as wonderfully monologued by Gary Cooper, helped to immortalize the already infamous "Luckiest man" speech by Lou Gehrig.
“Rocky” (1976)

In the ultimate underdog story, newcomer Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) gets a shot at the world heavyweight title against champ Apollo Creed. Rocky proves he has the goods, going the entire 15 rounds against Creed, but loses in a split decision. Rocky would get a rematch though and win the title in “Rocky II”.
"Breaking Away" (1979)

One of the most inspiring underdog stories ever made, the Little 500 bicycle race in Bloomington, Indiana, is a local classic as made famous by this film. In the film's closing race scene, the locals -- dressed in plain white T-shirts with their nickname the "Cutters" -- upset the richer college students with more expensive bikes and uniforms, riding across the finish line in pure glory.
“Chariots of Fire” (1981)

Two Englishmen push each other to be the best sprinter at the 1924 Olympics. While they won gold on the big screen’s racetrack, “Chariots of Fire” would go on to win Oscar gold for best picture.
“The Natural” (1984)

Robert Redford plays middle-age rookie Roy Hobbs in “The Natural.” Hobbs leads his team to a championship on his final at-bat when he launches the most famous home run in movie history. Thus proving the unspoken rule in baseball: If you break the lights you win the game.
“Hoosiers” (1986)

Another Indiana classic in what is widely considered one of the greatest sports movies of all time, “Hoosiers” follows a small town high school basketball team as they make it all the way to the state finals. They play a bigger and more athletic team in the finals, but with a last second shot pull off the surprise victory.
“Major League” (1989)

Charlie Sheen and Tom Berenger lead an outfit of misfit Cleveland Indians from last place to a shot at the league pennant against the powerhouse Yankees. Even though the film is a comedy, the final game plays out in dramatic fashion.
“A League of Their Own” (1992)

“A League of Their Own” proved that girls can play baseball, and ends in a play at the plate that determines the championship. Geena Davis’ Rockford Peaches may lose that final game, but as Tom Hanks taught us, “there is no crying in baseball!”
“Hoop Dreams” (1994)

Steve James’ revolutionary documentary follows inner-city Chicago kids William Gates and Arthur Agee throughout their high-school basketball careers. The film culminates in both striving to reach the finals of their city wide championship tournament.
“Remember the Titans” (2001)

Based on the true story of Virginia’s first integrated high school football team (led by coach Denzel Washington), the Titans not only change the views of an entire town, but they go undefeated on their way to a thrilling state championship against an all-white team.
“Friday Night Lights” (2004)

The film that spawned the critically acclaimed TV series (which in turn may spawn a film of its own) is memorable in that its featured team doesn’t win the championship. The Permian Panthers mount a great comeback, but come up one yard short of the state title.
“Miracle” (2004)

In perhaps one of the greatest upsets in sports history, a team of U.S. college hockey players defeated the Soviet Union, the three-time defending gold medal winner and best team in the world, during the Cold War.
"DodgeBall" (2004)

Okay, okay. This is really a parody of sports movies. But for all its send-ups of underdog sports movie formulas, it also embraces them full-heartedly during the gripping championship showdown between the Average Joes and Globo Gym.
“The Fighter” (2010)

David O. Russell‘s Oscar-winning picture depicted boxer Mickey Ward’s (Mark Wahlberg) climb up the ranks from middling contender to a shot at the title. The final fight shows the grit and heart that it took for Ward to win the belt.
"Senna" (2010)

The best sports documentaries are as riveting as their scripted counterparts, putting viewers right in the action as if they are watching it unfold live. "Senna" is one of the finest examples, using primarily archival footage with no narration and few interviews to show the bitter Formula 1 rivalry between Ayrton Senna and Alain Prost that led to the 1989 and 1990 championships being decided in controversial fashion at Japan's famed Suzuka Circuit.
"Survive and Advance" (2013)

ESPN's "30 for 30" series included a look at arguably the most famous championship run in college basketball history. In 1983, Jimmy Valvano led the North Carolina State Wolfpack on a streak of nine consecutive overtime or one-point wins, culminating in a last-second basket to win the championship over top-ranked Houston. In this documentary, even though the outcome is known, every game's heart-stopping drama is recreated perfectly.
"Creed" (2015)

The power and hypnotic beauty of this famous running scene from "Creed" as directed by Ryan Coogler is immense. Michael B. Jordan captures the inspiring training run from the original "Rocky" with a modern spirit. You can feel the emotion of the moment so strongly and can't help but root for him.
"Celtics/Lakers: Best of Enemies" (2017)

Another ESPN documentary that puts you right in the moment. Narrated by Lakers fan Ice Cube and Celtics fan Donnie Wahlberg, this five-hour doc covers the most famous championship rivalry in sports, which peaked with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird in the 80s. The tension hits its peak with Game 4 of the 1987 NBA Finals, in which Bird infamously missed a game-tying three-point shot.