We've Got Hollywood Covered

Let’s Imagine the Day After Donald Trump Rejects the Election Results (Commentary)

A news story after Election Day might look a little like this

WASHINGTON (Nov. 9, 2016) — The future of the free world was thrown into question Tuesday as Donald Trump refused to accept that Hillary Clinton had won the presidential election.

Although Clinton defeated Trump in both the popular vote and the Electoral College, her plans to take office were thrown into doubt by Trump’s declaration of “no dice.” The billionaire added that the “nasty” election had been “very unfair.”

Democrats regretfully accepted, since it is up to Trump, and not the voters, to decide who the president will be.

“Look, what kind of country would we be if we allowed average Americans to deny Mr. Trump his chance to lead?” President Obama said. “He has refused to accept the vote, and we have no choice but to respect his decision.”

Trump hinted at the possibility that he wouldn’t accept the results during the third and final televised debate on October 20, when he told moderator Chris Wallace, “I will keep you in suspense.”

That response was met with widespread shock at the time.

Who cares?” some Americans asked. “It isn’t up to the loser to decide who wins. It’s up to the voters.”

But those voters should have read the Constitution more closely.

As the Twelfth Amendment clearly states: The person having the greatest number of votes for President, shall be the President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed — unless Donald Trump says, “No dice.”

Trump has almost exercised the option before. Obama was only allowed to remain president after Trump declared in September, after years of challenging his eligibility for the office, that Obama had indeed been born in the U.S.

“Look, what are we supposed to do?” Obama told reporters Wednesday. “Mr. Trump very clearly said ‘No dice.'”

Constitutional scholars agreed.

“Only one thing prevents us from being a Constitutional democracy founded on the principle of one human, one vote,” one explained. “And that is allowing Donald Trump to veto the results of any presidential election.”

“The sanctity of our balloting demands that we respect this fundamental pillar of our process,” said Tuesday’s big winner, Clinton, as she was dragged off to jail.

Adding to the national unrest was the question of whether Obama would be able to serve out the rest of his presidency, since it’s all up to Trump.

“A lot of people thought we could avoid living under the whims of a mercurial crybaby simply by voting against Mr. Trump,” said Obama. “Whoops.”

Some Americans refused to accept Trump’s refusal to accept his loss.

“It feels more and more like we live in a post-facts reality in which basic principles like ‘elections have consequences’ no longer hold,” said one voter, whose name we are withholding because names (like weights, measures, units of time and election results) are mere illusions that shall become reality only if Donald Trump decrees that it be so.