Even women will lose their man cards if they buy a ticket to “Year by the Sea,” a figurative and nearly retch-inducing celebration of the ovary based on a best-selling memoir by Joan Anderson.

As if completing a trilogy preceded by “Under the Tuscan Sun” and “Eat, Pray, Love,” writer-director Alexander Janko’s debut is about a woman who feels hemmed in by her daily grind and sets off solo to find herself. In this case, she leaves behind a stodgy husband who won’t even discuss her need for adventure. “Needs are a roof over your head and food on the table,” he says. “Period.”

So Joan (Karen Allen) decides to kiss Robin (Michael Cristofer) temporarily goodbye and head out to Cape Cod to rent a cottage — yes — by the sea. The impermanent status of their separation isn’t made clear until well into the film; he’s angry enough when she departs that it sure seems like a divorce is looming, and when she immediately loses her wedding ring upon arrival, her “oh no” might as well be “oh fiddlesticks!” for all the emotion Allen pours into Joan’s reaction.

Also Read: Actresses Got More Emmy Noms This Year - But No Other Women Did

Wackiness abounds. First, Joan goes ’round and ’round a traffic circle and then nearly hits someone, leaving you to wonder, “Can’t she f—ing drive?” There’s look-how-zany! music as she learns to row a boat, which is necessary to cross the lake between her cottage and civilization. (Of course no one teaches the new girl.) Joan struggles with her suitcase on the beachfront grounds and knocks stuff over, all for our merriment.

But the film really takes a dive when she meets a neighbor who’s also named Joan (Celia Imrie). Joan No. 2 is a free spirit who writes Joan No. 1 a poem (there’s that gag reflex), has her put on a makeshift sari so they can run into the sea, and advises Joan and her visiting friend, Liz (S. Epatha Merkerson), to carefully choose pieces of thread for their looms, for they will be making “a tapestry of our lives.”

Also Read: All-Female 'Lord of the Flies' Remake Sparks Backlash: 'Someone Missed the Point'

Throughout most of these escapades is forced yet delirious laughter. (Meanwhile, anyone with knowledge of the English language will laugh only when Joan, who’s a writer, corrects a friend who asks, “Is that him?” “Is that he,” Joan says. Oof.)

Naturally, Joan finds herself opening up, taking risks, and having those adventures she so wanted. In this way, the film is not without merit. The setup is inarguably cliché. But isn’t travel, especially solo travel, all about learning and growing? It seems that many marriages would be saved if the unhappy party didn’t tell their partner to take a hike but instead took one themselves. As for Joan, she giddily pushes Robin to do activities outside his comfort zone when he visits. He needs more cajoling, but the seed’s planted. (Though he may never dance with her on an icy beach. After all, he has sense.)

Watch Video: Trevor Noah Slams Ivanka Trump for Ditching Equal Pay: 'Wow, Really?'

The soundtrack of “Year by the Sea” is insufferably twee, with strummy folk songs cueing every emotion — that is, except when some misadventure calls for jaunty music, or a costumed New Year’s Day run calls for…circus music. Horribly, one scene in which Joan is learning how to clam with a handsome fisherman, is set to “I’m Into Something Good.” Do they end up chasing each other around the beach, laughing deliriously? You bet.

Into all happiness some sorrow must fall, and so it is for a few of our characters. The occasions are too abrupt to feel genuine, however, aside from a case of domestic abuse. For Janko to have kept that in amidst all the lunacy feels like a misstep, but not one greater the many missteps than had come before.

50 Actresses Over 50 Who Still Rule Hollywood (Photos)

Getty Images
Nicole Kidman (birthdate: 06/20/67)

The Australian Oscar winner appeared in no less than four movies at 2017's Cannes Film Festival.
Helena Bonham Carter (birthdate: 05/26/66)

After starring in 2015's "Cinderella," this Oscar nominee reprised a different Disney role as the Red Queen in "Alice Through the Looking Glass."
Getty Images
Robin Wright (birthdate: 04/08/66)

A Golden Globe-winning actress, Wright plays Claire Underwood in Netflix’s "House of Cards" and will appear in 2017's "Wonder Woman" and the long-awaited "Blade Runner" sequel.
Getty Images
Halle Berry

(birthdate: 08/14/66)

Aside from the fact that she's the only black woman to win an Oscar for Best Actress, she most recently starred in "X-Men: Days of Future Past" and will be in "Kingsman: The Golden Circle."
Getty Images
Salma Hayek

(birthdate: 09/02/66)

Salma Hayek has been a household name since forever and it's no wonder -- she's had notable movie roles "Frida," "Desperado," and "Wild Wild West."
Getty Images
Viola Davis (birthdate: 08/11/65)

An accomplished SAG and Emmy winner, Davis stars in ABC’s hit series "How to Get Away with Murder" and 2016's "Suicide Squad."
Getty Images
Gong Li (birthdate: 12/31/65)

After making her American film debut in 2006's "Miami Vice," Li helped bring Chinese cinema to Europe and the U.S.
Getty Images
Sarah Jessica Parker (birthdate: 03/25/65)

Following the enormous success of her breakout series "Sex and the City," Jessica Parker starred in a string of romantic comedies. She stars in HBO's new with comedy "Divorce."
Getty Images
Diane Lane (birthdate: 01/22/65)

The Oscar nominee has been busy, voicing the mother in Pixar's "Inside Out," playing Cleo Trumbo in "Trumbo," and Martha Kent in 2013's "Man of Steel" and 2016's "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice."
Getty Images
Vivica A. Fox (birthdate: 07/30/64).

Since the '80s, Fox has made a name for herself in both film and TV, including appearances in Fox's "Empire" and reprising her role as Jasmine Dubrow in "Independence Day: Resurgence."
Getty Images
Marisa Tomei (birthdate: 12/04/64)

The Oscar-winning Tomei maintains a tireless work ethic, playing roles in "The Big Short," "Captain America: Civil War," and 2017's "Spider-Man: Homecoming."
Getty Images
Courteney Cox (birthdate: 06/15/64)

Since the end of ABC's "Cougar Town," Cox returned to acting in 2016's "Mothers and Daughters" and recently made her directorial debut with "Just Before I Go."
Getty Images
Monica Bellucci (birthdate: 09/30/64)

After turning heads in "The Passion of the Christ" and two of the three "Matrix" films, the Italian actress returned to the silver screen as a Bond girl in 2015's "Spectre."
Getty Images
Mary-Louise Parker (birthdate: 08/02/64)

The Golden Globe winner maintained some of her post-"Weeds" success with a small recurring role in the second season of NBC’s "The Blacklist."
Getty Images
Sandra Bullock (birthdate: 07/26/64)

"The Blind Side" star gained another Oscar nom for 2013's "Gravity" and stayed busy with 2015's "Our Brand is Crisis" and "Minions."
Getty Images
Laura Linney (birthdate: 02/05/64)

This three-time Oscar and Tony nominee is working hard, with big roles in 2015's "Mr. Holmes," 2016's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows" and Clint Eastwood's "Sully."
Getty Images
Mariska Hargitay (birthdate: 01/23/64)

Having appeared on several TV shows since the '90s, Hargitay is best known as Olivia Benson on "Law & Order: SVU" and for founding the Joyful Heart Foundation, which provides support to women who have been sexually abused.
Getty Images
Ming-Na Wen (birthdate: 11/20/63)

In addition to being the enchanting voice of the heroine in Disney's "Mulan," Wen is known for her roles on "Stargate Universe" and ABC's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."
Getty Images
Lisa Kudrow (birthdate: 07/30/63)

Since her days as a "Friends" leading lady, Kudrow has been active in film and TV, playing characters in Netflix’s "BoJack Horseman," "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising," and her short-lived show "The Comeback."
Getty Images
Helen Hunt (birthdate: 06/15/63)

The "As Good As It Gets" actress drew acclaim in 2012 for her role in Sundance favorite "The Sessions" and has a recurring role in the Fox crime drama "Shots Fired."
Getty Images
Vanessa Williams (birthdate: 03/18/63)

Even after the end of ABC's "Ugly Betty" and the short-lived "666 Park Avenue," Williams managed to grab some guest spots on "The Good Wife" and "Broad City."
Getty Images
Demi Moore (birthdate: 11/11/62)

While doing charity work for her anti-sex-trafficking foundation Thorn, Moore has starred in a few indie movies, including 2012's financial drama "Margin Call," 2013's "Very Good Girls," and 2016's "Wild Oats" with Jessica Lange and Shirley MacLaine.
Getty Images
Jodie Foster (birthdate: 11/19/62)

After appearing in "Elysium" and "Carnage," the Oscar-winning actress took a break from acting and returned to directing with 2016's "Money Monster" starring George Clooney and Julia Roberts.
Getty Images
Jennifer Jason Leigh (birthdate: 02/05/62)

With a career that spans four decades, Jason Leigh has had recent success with two big hits from last year, voicing the titular character in "Anomalisa" and playing a racist outlaw in "The Hateful Eight," earning an Oscar nomination for the latter.
Getty Images
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (birthdate: 01/13/61)

Since the end of the universally beloved "Seinfeld," Louis-Dreyfus has maintained her comedic chops, playing the lead in the CBS sitcom "The New Adventures of Old Christine" and now on HBO’s "Veep," which earned her five Emmys.
Getty Images
Jane Lynch (birthdate: 07/14/60)

Despite the 2016 cancellation of her short-lived sitcom "Angel from Hell," Lynch has made strides in the past few years, first playing Sue Sylvester in Fox's musical dramedy "Glee" and as host of NBC's "Hollywood Game Night."
Getty Images
Julianne Moore (birthdate: 12/03/60)

Having appeared in both mainstream and art-house films, Moore has received acclaim for her Academy Award-winning performance in "Still Alice" and played a crucial role in the "Hunger Games: Mockingjay" two-parter.
Getty Images
Lorraine Toussaint (birthdate: 04/04/60)

Starting her career in theater before transitioning into film and TV, Toussaint has appeared in Ava DuVernay's "Selma" and the short-lived Fox series "Forever." She's also received praise for her work as Vee in Netflix's "Orange Is the New Black."
Getty Images
Emma Thompson (birthdate: 04/15/59)

One of Hollywood and Britain's most accomplished performers, Thompson appeared in "Bridget Jones' Baby" in fall 2016 and the Disney reboot/remake of "Beauty and the Beast" in 2017.
Getty Images
Jamie Lee Curtis (birthdate: 11/22/58).

An actress known for her roles in horror films and the 2003 comedy "Freaky Friday," Lee Curtis has shifted to TV, playing characters in Fox’s "New Girl" and "Scream Queens."
Getty Images
Angela Bassett (birthdate: 08/16/58)

Though she's known primarily for her film roles, including her turn in Spike Lee's 2016 drama "Chi-Raq," Bassett is a TV regular, particularly in FX's anthology series "American Horror Story."
Getty Images
Michelle Pfeiffer (birthdate: 04/29/58)

The three-time Academy Award nominee's recent film work includes Tim Burton's supernatural "Dark Shadows" and the crime comedy "The Family" with Robert De Niro. She reteamed with De Niro for the 2016 HBO movie "The Wizard of Lies."
Getty Images
Sharon Stone (birthdate: 03/10/58)

After starring in 2013's "Lovelace" and the short-lived TNT drama "Agent X," the "Basic Instinct" actress had five movies lined up for 2016, including James Franco's "The Masterpiece."
Getty Images
Ellen DeGeneres (birthdate: 01/26/58)

In addition to being a TV personality, a two-time Oscar host and an LGBTQ advocate, DeGeneres found time to reprise her role as the forgetful blue tang in Pixar's 2016 hit "Finding Dory," the sequel to 2003's "Finding Nemo."
Getty Images
Holly Hunter (birthdate: 03/20/58)

The Georgia-born Oscar winner returned to film in 2012 after a seven-year hiatus, and has since had roles in "Won't Back Down," "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice," and Terrence Malick's 2016 movie "Weightless."
Getty Images
Andie MacDowell (birthdate: 04/21/58)

Known for her early '90s roles in "Sex, Lies, & Videotape," "Groundhog Day," and "Four Weddings and a Funeral," MacDowell made her way into TV in the 2013 Hallmark movie "Cedar Cove" and a brief cameo in 2015's "Magic Mike XXL." She has also been a spokesperson for L'Oreal since 1986.
Getty Images
Joan Allen (birthdate: 08/20/56)

The three-time Academy Award nominee appeared in 2015's acclaimed "Room" and ABC's mystery melodrama "The Family," cancelled in 2016 after just one season.
Getty Images
Geena Davis (birthdate: 01/21/56)

The "Thelma and Louise" stars in Fox’s adaptation of "The Exorcist" and opposite Jon Hamm in the 2016 sci-fi flick "Marjorie Prime."
Getty Images
Rene Russo (birthdate: 02/17/54)

Russo, a Vogue model-turned-BAFTA nominated actress, juggled lots of roles in recent movies, including Marvel's "Thor," the neo-noir thriller "Nightcrawler," and the Nancy Meyers comedy "The Intern."
Getty Images
Oprah Winfrey (birthdate: January 9, 1954)

The actress and producer has kept busy since ending her long-running daytime talk show, overseeing her OWN network and appearing in series like "Greenleaf" and movies such as "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" and "A Wrinkle in Time."
Getty Images
Kim Basinger (birthdate: 12/08/53).

The Golden Globe and SAG-winning actress starred in the 2016 crime comedy caper "The Nice Guys" and has a big role in 2017's "Fifty Shades Darker," the buzzy sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey."
Getty Images
Mary Steenburgen (birthdate: 02/08/53)

A well-known character actress, Steenburgen has appeared in several TV shows (Fox’s "The Last Man on Earth," Netflix's "Orange Is the New Black") and films ("Song One," "A Walk in the Woods"). In 2016, she stars in the drama "The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" and the coming-of-age film "Katie Says Goodbye."
Getty Images
Jane Seymour (birthdate: 02/15/51)

Since her breakthrough role in 1973’s “Live and Let Die,” Seymour has kept busy in projects like the 2016 spoof movie "Fifty Shades of Black" and the CW’s "Jane the Virgin."
Getty Images
Meryl Streep (birthdate: 06/22/49)

One of the most recognized and active women working in Hollywood today, Streep is keeping her acclaimed acting streak alive. Recent projects include "Ricki in the Flash," "Suffragette," and 2016's "Florence Foster Jenkins."
Getty Images
Sigourney Weaver (birthdate: 10/08/49)

The "Ghostbusters" alum has been in 12 movies since 2010, ranging from "Chappie" to "The Cabin in the Woods." She also has a cameo in 2016's female-led remake of "Ghostbusters."
Getty Images
Jessica Lange (birthdate: 04/20/49)

A multiple Oscar, Golden Globe, and SAG winner, Lange has been drawing acclaim since the '80s, especially for her performance in FX’s "American Horror Story."
Getty Images
Ivonne Coll (birthdate: 06/18/47)

Since her breakout debut in Francis Ford Coppola's "The Godfather Part II," Coll has had recurring TV roles in shows like "Switched at Birth," "Glee" and "Teen Wolf." She stars as Alba Villanueva in the CW's "Jane the Virgin."
Getty Images
Glenn Close (birthdate: 03/19/47)

The "Fatal Attraction" star garnered praise for her long-running drama series "Damages" and played a small but crucial role in "Guardians of the Galaxy," which she reprises in the 2017 sequel.
Getty Images
Helen Mirren (birthdate: 07/26/45)

The Oscar winner is another one of Hollywood's biggest and most active actresses, including memorable turns in movies like "Trumbo," "Eye in the Sky," "Woman of Gold" and "Unity."
Getty Images
Cicely Tyson (birthdate: 12/18/24).

Cicely Tyson is 92 and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon. Most recently, she's starred in notable films like "The Help," and has a recurring role on "How to Get Away With Murder."
Getty Images