Even women will lose their man cards if they buy a ticket to “Year by the Sea,” a figurative and nearly retch-inducing celebration of the ovary based on a best-selling memoir by Joan Anderson.

As if completing a trilogy preceded by “Under the Tuscan Sun” and “Eat, Pray, Love,” writer-director Alexander Janko’s debut is about a woman who feels hemmed in by her daily grind and sets off solo to find herself. In this case, she leaves behind a stodgy husband who won’t even discuss her need for adventure. “Needs are a roof over your head and food on the table,” he says. “Period.”

So Joan (Karen Allen) decides to kiss Robin (Michael Cristofer) temporarily goodbye and head out to Cape Cod to rent a cottage — yes — by the sea. The impermanent status of their separation isn’t made clear until well into the film; he’s angry enough when she departs that it sure seems like a divorce is looming, and when she immediately loses her wedding ring upon arrival, her “oh no” might as well be “oh fiddlesticks!” for all the emotion Allen pours into Joan’s reaction.

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Wackiness abounds. First, Joan goes ’round and ’round a traffic circle and then nearly hits someone, leaving you to wonder, “Can’t she f—ing drive?” There’s look-how-zany! music as she learns to row a boat, which is necessary to cross the lake between her cottage and civilization. (Of course no one teaches the new girl.) Joan struggles with her suitcase on the beachfront grounds and knocks stuff over, all for our merriment.

But the film really takes a dive when she meets a neighbor who’s also named Joan (Celia Imrie). Joan No. 2 is a free spirit who writes Joan No. 1 a poem (there’s that gag reflex), has her put on a makeshift sari so they can run into the sea, and advises Joan and her visiting friend, Liz (S. Epatha Merkerson), to carefully choose pieces of thread for their looms, for they will be making “a tapestry of our lives.”

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Throughout most of these escapades is forced yet delirious laughter. (Meanwhile, anyone with knowledge of the English language will laugh only when Joan, who’s a writer, corrects a friend who asks, “Is that him?” “Is that he,” Joan says. Oof.)

Naturally, Joan finds herself opening up, taking risks, and having those adventures she so wanted. In this way, the film is not without merit. The setup is inarguably cliché. But isn’t travel, especially solo travel, all about learning and growing? It seems that many marriages would be saved if the unhappy party didn’t tell their partner to take a hike but instead took one themselves. As for Joan, she giddily pushes Robin to do activities outside his comfort zone when he visits. He needs more cajoling, but the seed’s planted. (Though he may never dance with her on an icy beach. After all, he has sense.)

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The soundtrack of “Year by the Sea” is insufferably twee, with strummy folk songs cueing every emotion — that is, except when some misadventure calls for jaunty music, or a costumed New Year’s Day run calls for…circus music. Horribly, one scene in which Joan is learning how to clam with a handsome fisherman, is set to “I’m Into Something Good.” Do they end up chasing each other around the beach, laughing deliriously? You bet.

Into all happiness some sorrow must fall, and so it is for a few of our characters. The occasions are too abrupt to feel genuine, however, aside from a case of domestic abuse. For Janko to have kept that in amidst all the lunacy feels like a misstep, but not one greater the many missteps than had come before.

50 Actresses Over 50 Who Still Rule Hollywood (Photos)

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Nicole Kidman (birthdate: 06/20/67)

The Australian Oscar winner has kept busy with blockbusters ("Aquaman"), award-winning indies ("Boy Erased") and TV hits like HBO's "Big Little Lies."
Helena Bonham Carter (birthdate: 05/26/66)

After starring in 2015's "Cinderella," this Oscar nominee reprised a different Disney role as the Red Queen in "Alice Through the Looking Glass." And then won acclaim on Netflix's "The Crown."
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Robin Wright (birthdate: 04/08/66)

A Golden Globe-winning actress, Wright played Claire Underwood in Netflix’s "House of Cards" and appeared in 2017's "Wonder Woman" and "Blade Runner 2049."
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Halle Berry

(birthdate: 08/14/66)

Aside from the fact that she's the only black woman to win an Oscar for Best Actress, she recently starred in "X-Men: Days of Future Past," "John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum" and two movies in the "Kingsman" series.
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Salma Hayek

(birthdate: 09/02/66)

Salma Hayek has been a household name since forever and it's no wonder -- she's had notable movie roles "Frida," "Desperado," and "Wild Wild West."
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Viola Davis (birthdate: 08/11/65)

An accomplished SAG and Emmy winner, Davis stars in ABC’s hit series "How to Get Away With Murder" and the two "Suicide Squad" movies (including the 2021 sequel).
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Gong Li (birthdate: 12/31/65)

After making her American film debut in 2006's "Miami Vice," Li helped bring Chinese cinema to Europe and the U.S.
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Sarah Jessica Parker (birthdate: 03/25/65)

Following the enormous success of her breakout series "Sex and the City," Jessica Parker starred in a string of romantic comedies. She stars in HBO's comedy "Divorce."
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Diane Lane (birthdate: 01/22/65)

The Oscar nominee has been busy, voicing the mother in Pixar's "Inside Out," playing Cleo Trumbo in "Trumbo," and Martha Kent in 2013's "Man of Steel" and 2016's "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice." She starred opposite Kevin Costner in 2020's "Let Him Go."
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Vivica A. Fox (birthdate: 07/30/64).

Since the '80s, Fox has made a name for herself in both film and TV, including appearances in Fox's "Empire," "Independence Day: Resurgence" and Lifetime's series of "Wrong" movies.
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Marisa Tomei (birthdate: 12/04/64)

The Oscar-winning Tomei maintains a tireless work ethic, playing roles in "The Big Short," "Captain America: Civil War," and the Tom Holland "Spider-Man" movies.
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Courteney Cox (birthdate: 06/15/64)

Since the end of ABC's "Cougar Town," Cox returned to acting in 2016's "Mothers and Daughters" and made her directorial debut with 2014's "Just Before I Go."
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Monica Bellucci (birthdate: 09/30/64)

After turning heads in "The Passion of the Christ" and two of the three "Matrix" films, the Italian actress returned to the silver screen as a Bond girl in 2015's "Spectre." And then starred as Italian photographer Tina Modotti in the miniseries "Radical Eye."
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Mary-Louise Parker (birthdate: 08/02/64)

The Golden Globe winner maintained some of her post-"Weeds" success with roles in 2018's "Red Sparrow" and on shows like NBC’s "The Blacklist" and Audience's "Mr. Mercedes."
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Sandra Bullock (birthdate: 07/26/64)

"The Blind Side" star gained another Oscar nom for 2013's "Gravity" and stayed busy with 2018 hits like "Ocean's Eight" and "Bird Box."
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Laura Linney (birthdate: 02/05/64)

This three-time Oscar and Tony nominee is working hard, with big roles in shows like "Ozark," "Tales of the City" and Viggo Mortensen's film "Falling."
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Mariska Hargitay (birthdate: 01/23/64)

Having appeared on several TV shows since the '90s, Hargitay is best known as Olivia Benson on "Law & Order: SVU" and for founding the Joyful Heart Foundation, which provides support to women who have been sexually abused.
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Ming-Na Wen (birthdate: 11/20/63)

In addition to being the enchanting voice of the heroine in Disney's "Mulan," Wen is known for her roles on "Stargate Universe," Disney+'s "The Mandalorian" and ABC's "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."
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Lisa Kudrow (birthdate: 07/30/63)

Since her days as a "Friends" leading lady, Kudrow has been active in film and TV, playing characters in Netflix’s "BoJack Horseman," "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising," and the 2019 indie hit "Booksmart."
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Helen Hunt (birthdate: 06/15/63)

The "As Good As It Gets" actress drew acclaim in 2012 for her role in Sundance favorite "The Sessions" and recently starred in the sitcom reboot "Mad About You."
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Vanessa Williams (birthdate: 03/18/63)

Even after the end of ABC's "Ugly Betty" and the short-lived "666 Park Avenue," Williams has kept working with projects like "Daytime Divas" and Justin Simien's 2020 film "Bad Hair."
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Demi Moore (birthdate: 11/11/62)

While doing charity work for her anti-sex-trafficking foundation Thorn, Moore has returned to the screen in TV projects like "Empire," "Animals." and "Brave New World."
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Jodie Foster (birthdate: 11/19/62)

After appearing in "Elysium" and "Carnage," the Oscar-winning actress took a break from acting and returned to directing with 2016's "Money Monster" starring George Clooney and Julia Roberts and an episode of "Black Mirror." She then appeared in front of the camera in 2020's "Prisoner 760."
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Jennifer Jason Leigh (birthdate: 02/05/62)

With a career that spans four decades, Jason Leigh earned an Oscar nomination for 2015's "The Hateful Eight," then starred in shows like "Twin Peaks," "Patrick Melrose" and "Atypical" as well as movies like 2020's "The Woman in the Window."
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Julia Louis-Dreyfus (birthdate: 01/13/61)

Since she wrapped her seventh and last season of HBO’s "Veep," the actress-comedian starred in the 2020 Will Ferrell romantic drama "Downhill."
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Jane Lynch (birthdate: 07/14/60)

Despite the 2016 cancellation of her short-lived sitcom "Angel from Hell," Lynch has made strides in the past few years, hosting NBC's "Hollywood Game Night" and earning Emmy attention for "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel."
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Julianne Moore (birthdate: 12/03/60)

Having appeared in both mainstream and art-house films, Moore received acclaim for her Oscar-winning performance in "Still Alice." She followed with showy roles in 2020's "The Woman in the Window" and Julie Taymor's "The Glorias."
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Lorraine Toussaint (birthdate: 04/04/60)

Starting her career in theater before transitioning into film and TV, Toussaint has appeared in Ava DuVernay's "Selma" and the short-lived Fox series "Forever." She's also received praise for her work as Vee in Netflix's "Orange Is the New Black" and series like "Into the Badlands" and "The Village."
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Emma Thompson (birthdate: 04/15/59)

One of Hollywood and Britain's most accomplished performers, Thompson appeared in 2017's "Beauty and the Beast," Mindy Kaling's "Late Night" in 2019 and 2021's "Cruella."
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Jamie Lee Curtis (birthdate: 11/22/58).

An actress known for her roles in horror films and the 2003 comedy "Freaky Friday," Lee Curtis has lately appeared on screen in 2018's "Halloween" reboot and 2019's "Knives Out."
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Angela Bassett (birthdate: 08/16/58)

Though she's known primarily for her film roles, including her turn in Spike Lee's 2016 drama "Chi-Raq" and 2018's "Black Panther," Bassett is a TV regular, particularly in FX's anthology series "American Horror Story" and "9-1-1."
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Michelle Pfeiffer (birthdate: 04/29/58)

The three-time Academy Award nominee's recent film work includes the "Ant-Man" series, "Maleficent: Mistress of Evil" and 2020's "French Exit."
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Sharon Stone (birthdate: 03/10/58)

The "Basic Instinct" actress has appeared in James Franco's "The Disaster Artist" and the TV series "Ratched" and "The New Pope."
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Ellen DeGeneres (birthdate: 01/26/58)

In addition to being a TV personality, a two-time Oscar host and an LGBTQ advocate, DeGeneres found time to reprise her role as the forgetful blue tang in Pixar's 2016 hit "Finding Dory," the sequel to 2003's "Finding Nemo."
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Holly Hunter (birthdate: 03/20/58)

The Georgia-born Oscar winner returned to film in 2012 after a seven-year hiatus, and has since had roles in "The Big Sick," "Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice," and TV shows like "Here and Now" and "Succession."
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Andie MacDowell (birthdate: 04/21/58)

Known for her early '90s roles in "Sex, Lies, & Videotape," "Groundhog Day," and "Four Weddings and a Funeral," MacDowell has appeared in recent films like "Only the Brave" and 2019's "Ready or Not."
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Joan Allen (birthdate: 08/20/56)

The three-time Academy Award nominee appeared in 2015's acclaimed "Room" and ABC's mystery melodrama "The Family" as well as Apple TV+'s "Lisey's Story."
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Geena Davis (birthdate: 01/21/56)

The "Thelma and Louise" actress appeared in "GLOW," 2017's "Marjorie Prime" and Tate Taylor's 2020 drama "Ava."
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Rene Russo (birthdate: 02/17/54)

Russo, a Vogue model-turned-BAFTA nominated actress, juggled lots of roles in recent movies, including Marvel's "Thor," the neo-noir thriller "Nightcrawler" the Nancy Meyers comedy "The Intern" and 2019's "Velvet Buzzsaw."
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Oprah Winfrey (birthdate: January 9, 1954)

The actress and producer has kept busy since ending her long-running daytime talk show, overseeing her OWN network and appearing in series like "Greenleaf" and movies such as "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" and "A Wrinkle in Time."
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Kim Basinger (birthdate: 12/08/53).

The Golden Globe and SAG-winning actress starred in the 2016 crime comedy caper "The Nice Guys" and had a big role in the last two "Fifty Shades" movies.
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Mary Steenburgen (birthdate: 02/08/53)

A well-known character actress, Steenburgen has appeared in several TV shows (Fox’s "The Last Man on Earth," Netflix's "Orange Is the New Black") and films ("Song One," "A Walk in the Woods"). She starred in the 2016 drama "The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea" and 2018's "Book Club."
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Jane Seymour (birthdate: 02/15/51)

Since her breakthrough role in 1973’s “Live and Let Die,” Seymour has kept busy in projects like the 2016 spoof movie "Fifty Shades of Black" and the CW’s "Jane the Virgin."
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Meryl Streep (birthdate: 06/22/49)

One of the most recognized and active women working in Hollywood today, Streep is keeping her acclaimed acting streak alive. Recent projects include "The Post," "Little Women" and HBO's "Big Little Lies."
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Sigourney Weaver (birthdate: 10/08/49)

The "Ghostbusters" alum has been in 12 movies since 2010, ranging from "Chappie" to "The Cabin in the Woods." She had a cameo in 2016's female-led remake of "Ghostbusters" and stars in James Cameron's upcoming "Avatar" sequels.
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Jessica Lange (birthdate: 04/20/49)

A multiple Oscar, Golden Globe, and SAG winner, Lange has been drawing acclaim since the '80s, especially for her performance in FX’s "American Horror Story."
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Ivonne Coll (birthdate: 06/18/47)

Since her breakout debut in Francis Ford Coppola's "The Godfather Part II," Coll has had recurring TV roles in shows like "Switched at Birth," "Glee" and "Teen Wolf." She starred as Alba Villanueva in the CW's "Jane the Virgin."
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Glenn Close (birthdate: 03/19/47)

The "Fatal Attraction" star garnered praise and an Oscar nomination for 2017's "The Wife" and has clocked roles in the "Guardians of the Galaxy" movies as well as 2020's "Hillbilly Elegy."
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Helen Mirren (birthdate: 07/26/45)

The Oscar winner is another one of Hollywood's biggest and most active actresses, including memorable turns in recent movies like the "Red" and "Fast & Furious" series as well as shows like "Catherine the Great."
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Cicely Tyson (birthdate: 12/18/24).

Cicely Tyson is in her 90s and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon. Most recently, she's starred in notable films like "The Help," and had recurring roles on "House of Cards" and "How to Get Away With Murder."
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