Normally when we decide whether a movie is "good" we use arbitrary qualifications like "does it say anything meaningful" or "does it make sense." But I'm into that. I'm into whether a movie makes me feel things in my gut. I'm into experiences. I'm into having a great time. I'm into trash. And these are the best so far this year.
15. "King Arthur: Legend of the Sword"Look, I don't like the video game CGI parts either, but I absolutely love the large chunks of this movie where it's basically just Guy Ritchie making a medieval "Snatch."
14. "Unforgettable"The racial subtext of having Katherine Heigl prey on Rosario Dawson (possibly unintentional, as I'd guess it was written with an all white cast in mind) elevates what would otherwise have been just a regular fun, trashy melodrama.
13. "Sleepless"I'm a huge fan of this sort of movie where everybody looks and acts like they haven't slept in month and wish they were dead and none of the characters are really likable in the normal sense.
12. "The Great Wall"Got a bad rap early on for the perception that it's another "white savior in Asia" movie, but the truth is much better: "The Great Wall" is Chinese communist propaganda about how awful societies led by white people are. Which is true. All the crazy colors and awesome monster fights are just a bonus.
11. "Monster Trucks"It's like "E.T.," but with giant tentacle monsters that drive pickup trucks. What's not to like?
10. "Free Fire"Ben Wheatley manages to appeal to my base emotions whether he's going absolutely nuts ("High-Rise") or just doing this little comedy about a gun deal gone bad that's mostly just people sitting in a warehouse yelling and shooting at each other. It's pulpy nonsense, and I mean that as a compliment.
9. "Transformers: The Last Knight"Possibly the most Michael Bay movie of all time, because even though the plot makes so little sense I could not even track the sequence of events from beginning to end it's still a thoroughly thrilling visual masterpiece.
8. "Fifty Shades Darker"I'm not sure who the intended audience is for this movie where Dakota Johnson puts large metal balls in her vagina during a party and then has sex with the main dude in his childhood bedroom in front of a "Chronicles of Riddick" poster, but I'm glad it exists.
7. "Atomic Blonde"This is a movie you can feel, with Charlize Theron winning every fight but needing a nice long nap afterward -- that's relatable content! Slimy James McAvoy is always welcome as well.
6. "Ghost in the Shell"This one feels like it was tailored to my specific preferences -- outlandish cyberpunk aesthetic, everybody talking in a deadpan tone and suppressing their emotions, corporations being overtly evil, Beat Takeshi. It's pure genre trash, and also just great.
5. "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage"Somehow this movie manages to convincingly establish a "Fast and Furious"-style #family. It also has Vin Diesel skiing down a rock mountain and surfing on a dirt bike. It's legitimately great, and easily the best Donnie Yen movie of the winter.
4. "Resident Evil: The Final Chapter"The decision to kill off most of the cast between movies is a bit frustrating, but otherwise it's a total delight. It's tough to not respect a movie that has this flagrant a disregard for franchise continuity, especially when it's in service of brutal social commentary about how terrible capitalists are.
3. "The Fate of the Furious"The greatest development in Hollywood in my lifetime has been the elevation of my favorite trash movie franchise. "F8" is hardly the best of the series, but it nonetheless is a total blast that still hits you right in the feels at every opportunity.
2. "Underworld: Blood Wars"You've got Charles Dance doing sword fights, Tobias Menzies as the werewolf villain and Kate Beckinsale dying, going to vampire heaven and returning with superpowers and a new hairstyle. In other words, this is a trash classic.
1. "John Wick Chapter 2"Has more meat than the first one thanks in no small part to the addition of Common and Ruby Rose as boss fights, meaning this two hours of sustained Sad Keanu Murder manages to engage your brain as well as your heart.