“I convinced myself that being sick, being skinny was part of my job,” the singer writes about a recent stint in rehab
“Rising Star” panelist and platinum pop star Ke$ha has opened up about her stint in rehab earlier this year for an eating disorder she says she developed due to the music industry's “unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like.”
“I've always tried to be a crusader for loving yourself, but I'd been finding it harder and harder to do personally,” the 27-year-old singer wrote for Elle UK. “I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible, and to make it happen, I had been abusing my body.”
The piece, which can be read in its entirety here, pulls back the curtain on her two-month stay in a rehabilitation clinic that she feared would lead many to assume she's addicted to drugs. Ke$ha, however, spends most of the page space talking about the dark side of fame, including the the music industry's obsession with image, the judgmental media and public, as well as the “paranoia” it can cause on an artist.
“The music industry has set unrealistic expectations for what a body is supposed to look like, and I started becoming overly critical of my own body because of that,” she wrote. “I felt like people were always lurking, trying to take pictures of me with the intention of putting them up opine or printing them in magazines and making me look terrible.”
While she wrote positive power anthems “We R Who We R,” “Warrior” and “Love into the Light” to vent her frustrations, she realized last December that she needed more help than music could give.
“I felt like a liar, telling people to love themselves as they are, while I was being hateful to myself and really hurting my body,” the piece continues. “I wanted to control things that weren't in my power, but I was controlling the wrong things. I convinced myself that being sick, being skinny was part of my job. It felt safer somehow.”
Since leaving rehab, Ke$ha says she has been feeling “stronger,” even if she is not “fully fixed” just yet.
“I am a person in progress,” Ke$ha wrote.