“I want to be able to decide before I click whether a story is worth my time,” Colbert says
Stephen Colbert doesn’t like to waste precious time, so the “Colbert Report” host praised Slate.com for a new feature which allows readers to see an estimation of how long each story will take to read before having to undergo the arduous process of actually clicking on a link.
“Thank you. Because clicking on a story is a huge commitment,” Colbert said on Tuesday’s episode. “First you have to aim the cursor, then it takes about two seconds to load, then I gotta scan the thing to see how long it is. If I want to back out, I have to reload the page where I came from. Now as many as eight seconds have passed, and I’m that much closer to the cold embrace of death.”
The handy-dandy upgrade to the site’s design tells readers how many minutes a story should take to read, so they don’t get into a situation on the internet that their eyes or brains can’t handle.
Colbert thinks the website is on to something big, and is hoping the time-saving tool can be implemented in more scenarios soon.
“They know that I need to know how long everything in my life is before I commit. Like falling in love — too many unanswered questions,” Colbert said. “Will we kiss on the first date, the second date? How long is the courtship? One month? Two? How long will our first wedding dance be?”