You might expect to find Paris Hilton shopping on Rodeo Drive or at a DJ booth in Ibiza but in the kitchen? Not so much. Her new Netflix series, “Cooking With Paris,” seeks to change that, with the OG reality star recruiting a roster of famous friends to help expand her culinary horizons beyond nachos and Jell-O shots.
As you’d expect, hijinks (and catchphrases) ensue, here are some of the highlights.
1. The Time Paris and Kim K. Didn’t Know What a Mixer Was
The first episode of “Cooking With Paris” sees our host enlisting the assistance of friend and former employee Kim Kardashian to create a brunch spread inspired by classic breakfast cereals. The menu includes Frosted Flake French Toast and Lucky Charms Marshmallows (“the best part”). When it comes to whipping up a frittata however, the women are stumped as to which kitchen gadgets are which.
“Do you have a blender?” Kardashian asks.
“This or that?” Hilton replies, pointing at her blender and a Kitchen Aid mixer. “Is that the same as a blender?”
They stare off in silence for a beat.
“I don’t know, my sisters use that all the time,” Kardashian says, “It is. It is a blender.”
It was a mixer. Close enough.
2. The Time Paris Cooked a Salt Shaker into Her Salsa
For Episode 2, Hilton brought on rapper Saweetie as her sous chef to help make her famous shrimp tacos. As the women catch up over margaritas, they begin to prepare homemade roasted salsa, which looks to be off to a mouthwatering start until the broiled veggies hit the blender.
Rhinestone-encrusted pick in hand, Hilton pulls a salt shaker out of the struggling blender cup. Okay, it was the salt shaker cap but still plastic and still something unfit for chip-dipping.
Luckily, taco night is saved by Saweetie’s shrimp tacos and Paris’s inventive funfetti flan cake.
3. The Time Paris Ate Caviar Off a Pretzel
Heiresses, they snack just like us. Prior to episode three’s vegan burger night with comedians Nikki Glaser and Whitney Cummings, Paris feels the need to fill up on something a little more substantial.
“I just want a bite of caviar before they come. Just because I have to, like, be vegan all day so I’ll just eat a little of this before we start.” she says.
Instead of opting for a golden spoon or whatever rich people eat caviar with, however, Paris grabs a container of pretzel thins to scoop out those fancy fish eggs.
Don’t knock it till you try it, I guess.
4. The Time Paris Explained Her Multiple Cell Phones
Queen of organization. Later in that same episode, Paris’s dinner guests notice that she has three smartphones stacked beside her plate, prompting the obvious questions of “Do I get one?” and most importantly, “Why so many phones, Paris?”
The answer is simple, kinda.
“I used to have five phones and now I’ve consolidated to three.” she explains.
“One is for people I like, one is for business and one is for prank calling people,” adding that she often does the last activity with her mom and sister.
“How many phones have you lost, do you think?” Cummings asks.
5. The Time Paris Conquered Her Fear of Turkeys
We are lucky enough to get a “Cooking With Paris” holiday special. Episode 5 sees our fearless, bedazzled leader making a Christmas dinner for influencer Lele Pons but, in order to create a classic holiday feast, Paris must conquer one of her greatest fears: raw turkey.
Her chances of triumph are not looking good from the outset. The episode opens with a vignette of Paris fleeing LA’s Grove Farmers Market after being presented with the sack of meat. She brave preparing the bird though.
“Oh my god it has wings.” she says, disgusted, putting the turkey in the sink.
“What the f–k, what the f–k is that? Is that a d–k? What is that?”
Apparently the appendage Paris pulled out of the middle of the bird was its neck but to her credit, I definitely would’ve assumed that was the d–k too.
“I was that kid in school who refused to even cut open the frog in whatever that class was,” she explains, getting ready to brine the turkey. “And this is even scarier.”
Paris can’t even look at it as she rubs in the spiced seasoning, “I feel like i’m massaging some fat hairy gross guy”
She’s just about done with the manhandling portion though, all she has to do before sending the dead bird into the oven is stuff the cavity.
“Who the hell invented stuffing a turkey’s ass with, like, fruits and vegetables?” Paris asks, quite validly. “Someone who is a huge perv.”
“Cooking With Paris” is now streaming on Netflix.