Chris Rock was the funniest Oscar host I ever saw.
Mind you, I’m not talking about the performance this year’s Oscar emcee gave on the 77th Academy Awards in 2005, the only other time he’s hosted the show.
I think he was pretty good on that show, with a sharp opening monologue that offered a good mixture of political humor and show-business jokes and paved the way for ruder hosts like Ricky Gervais on the Golden Globes several years later.
The most famous moment, of course, was Rock’s riff on how Jude Law was omnipresent that year: “Even the [movies] he’s not in, if you look in the credits he made cupcakes or something.” The routine notoriously prompted a deadly earnest Sean Penn to answer Rock’s onstage query “Who is Jude Law?” with a dour, “He’s one of our finest actors.”
But the jokes I remember from that year were the ones that didn’t make it on the air. They began in his first press conference, when he replied to the question, “What are you bringing to the Oscars that other hosts might not?” with a succinct, “Weed.”
I also sat in on all the rehearsals for that year’s show, during which an unfettered, off-the-cuff Rock prowled the stage before the cameras were turned on.
“What’s up, you bitches?” was his opening line at his first Kodak Theatre rehearsal, and his completely inappropriate remarks kept the audience of stand-ins and staffers in stitches as much as anything I’ve seen in two-and-a-half decades of observing Oscar shows.
Of course, you couldn’t have put any of it on the air. “We couldn’t get Daniel Day-Lewis,” the host ad-libbed as he rehearsed one introduction, “so here’s Jeremy Irons!”
A little while later: “A couple of years ago, she won and Oscar and was a big star. What the f— happened? Ladies and gentlemen, Gwyneth Paltrow!”
And when he spotted the seat card that marked where Orlando Bloom would be sitting, he wondered aloud who Bloom was. Told that the actor was a star of the “Lord of the Rings” movies, Rock scoffed, “The star of that movie was the Lord and the ring — not you, Bloomie.”
The presenters, to be sure, were not in the house when he did this, and Rock insisted, “I do this out of love — like Don Rickles.” He also threw in lines like, “‘Catwoman’s’ so bad, it made me hate pussy,” so perhaps it wasn’t surprising when the ABC staffer assigned to man the five-second-delay button complained of stomach pains and had to be taken to the hospital.
(The network’s head of standards and practices took over, and never had to use the button.)
Will that Rock show up onstage at the Dolby Theatre next Feb. 28? Of course not — but maybe a little bit of that Rock could sneak into his performance, now that he’s been given another shot at the show. Let’s face it, the Oscars could use a little bit of the “What will he say next?” tension that the Globes always had when Gervais was onstage.
And anyway, even the guy’s harshest onstage critics forgave him back in 2005. When Rock walked offstage at the end of the show, he immediately spotted Sean Penn standing in the doorway to the green room across the hall.
“Hey Sean!” shouted Rock. “It was just a joke, man!” And immediately, Penn broke into a wide grin and wrapped Oscar’s funniest host in a big hug.
A version of this story appeared in the February 2015 issue of TheWrap’s Oscar magazine.
Oscars 2016 Contenders Party Report: Premieres, Parties, and People (Updating Photos)
At Robert Evans' Woodland Estate in Beverly Hills, documentarians huddled to celebrate Brett Morgen and "Montage of Heck" on Thursday, November 5. The intimate crowd of 25 was dense with doc A-listers: Lauren Greenfield ("Queen of Versailles"), Morgen, Amy Berg (upcoming Janis Joplin doc "Janis") and Liz Garbus ("Nina Simone").
Grey Photography
Amidst framed pictures with Evans pals like Michael Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Brett Ratner, and fellow Paramount studio chiefs like Sumner Redstone and Brad Grey, Morgen surveyed the crowd. "It's nice to see so many other documentarians here...campaigning for their own films," he deadpanned. Kirby Dick and Abigail Disney were also on scene.
Grey Photography
Sam Mendes and Harrison Ford stare each other down at the Britannia Awards on October 30. Mendes was honored with the John Schlesinger Britannia Award for Excellence in Directing presented by The GREAT Britain Campaign and Ford was honored with the Albert R. Broccoli trophy “for worldwide contribution to entertainment.”
Michael Kovac/Getty Images
Meryl Street was going right to the top at the Britannia Awards: British Consul General Chris O’Connor. When accepting her award, Streep thanked the British government for giving her several work permits.
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Mark Ruffalo points out the real Michael Rezendes at the Boston premiere of "Spotlight" on Wednesday, October 28. Ruffalo plays the Boston Globe investigative reporter in the buzzy pic out November 6.
Paul Marotta/Getty Images for Warner Brothers
Director Tom McCarthy and Open Road CEO and President Tom Ortenberg made the trip to Boston, after the film's NYC premiere earlier in the week.
Paul Marotta/Getty Images for Warner Brothers
Boston royalty John Henry (Owner, Boston Globe, Boston Red Sox, and more) with wife Linda Pizzuti.
Paul Marotta/Getty Images for Warner Brothers
Earlier, Ruffalo hosted GQ Publisher Howard Mittman's Gentleman's Fund event in NYC.
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Abigail Disney's "Armor of Light," an engaging documentary of Capitol Hill Tea Partiers' far-right evangelical Reverend Rob Schenck's inability to reconcile being "pro-life" and "pro-gun," to the chagrin of his passionate base, had its L.A. premiere at the DGA on Wednesday, October 13. (His constituency thinks the "NRA is a liberal organization," Schenck (far right) said.) Diane Warren (bottom right, with Disney) got an early look before the film opens on October 30.
Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
The "Truth" comes out....for its Academy screening. Star Cate Blanchett headlined the L.A. reveal of the film on Monday night, October 5. The James Vanderbilt-directed drama with Robert Redford and Elisabeth Moss is a contender tackling Dan Rather's censured report on President George W. Bush's military service. Sony Pictures Classics releases it in NYC and LA on October 16.
(Thomas Concordia/WireImage)
The producers' billing block on the film includes Brett Ratner, Andrew Spaulding, and Doug Mankoff ("Nebraska"). The reception in the lobby featured regular SPC partners Ketel One and STK Out.
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The guestlist for Davis Guggenheim's "He Named Me Malala" L.A. premiere? 7,000 high school aged L.A. girls, who filled the Microsoft Theatre on Tuesday morning September 29 at the event hosted by Megan Chernin's L.A. Fund. Peter Chernin, host Megan Chernin, J.J. Abrams, Katie McGrath, and Gracie Abrams helped kick off the "Girls Build L.A. Challenge" at the event, leading in to October's "Girls Empowerment" month.
John Salangsang (3); Instagram/MTouceda (bottom right)
Later on the same day, Fox Searchlight brought "He Named Me Malala" to a LACMA screening with Film Independent, where the Oscar winning Guggenheim sat down with Elvis Mitchell.
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David Nevins and Brian Grazer (left, center) hosted a private advance screening of Amy Berg's doc "Prophets Prey" at the UTA Theater on the night after the Emmys. Previous Oscar nominee Berg's film, an investigation into Warren Jeffs and the cult of the FLDS, goes in to theaters on Sep. 25 for an Oscar qualifying run.
Eric Charbonneau/Invision for Showtime/AP Images
"Showtime" family Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell came to the screening. Amy Berg introduces the Showtime Documentary Films production which will come to the cabler on October 10. Bottom right, Exec Producer Brian Grazer
Eric Charbonneau/Invision for Showtime/AP Images
Oscar contenders were pouring out at the 2015 Toronto Film Festival.
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No party for "Black Mass" at TIFF, but Johnny Depp looked intimidating and Amber Heard looked ready for festivities arriving at Monday's premiere in Toronto. With the film opening this Friday, in a non-festival week, it would have likely premiered south of the border on the same night.
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"Spotlight" star Michael Keaton with Anonymous Content's Steve Golin at the two-floor sprawling Soho House party for the ripped from the headlines film getting awards buzz. Vulture called it "The Best Picture Front-Runner".
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Ray Donovan has a word for his "Spotlight" director Tom McCarthy at the Grey Goose hosted after party.
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Anonymous Content main man Michael Sugar and wife Lauren Sugar at the "Spotlight" party. Sugar is a producer on "Spotlight".
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"Juno" pals Jason Reitman and J.K. Simmons reconnected at Simmons' post-premiere party for "The Meddler" at Soho House on Monday, September 14.
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Making mom proud: "The Meddler" director Lorene Scafaria gets the ultimate hug-of-approval.
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Ratner and Rather: The director and the news legend connected at the "Truth" party at Patria.
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Catherine Hardwicke took off her "Miss You Already" baseball hat she had been wearing for Women In Film and Tiffany's panel on Monday, Sep 14. "The Duff" Producer Susan Cartsonis and "Grey Gardens" writer and now "Into the Forest" director Patricia Rozema participated.
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Olivia Wilde won the inaugural IMDB "Starmeter" award at TIFF 2013. On Monday night, "Room" director Lenny Abrahamson presented it to his lead, Brie Larson.
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Lots of buzz around "Our Brand is Crisis". Participant CEO Jeff Skoll and producer George Clooney at Participant's party.
Eric Charbonneau/InVision for AP
"Selma" director Ava DuVernay and Participant EVP Jonathan King at Participant's bash.
Eric Charbonneau/InVision for AP
Nicholas Hoult rocked a "deliriously funny" turn in "Kill Your Friends," as an A&R man in navigating the Brit-Pop explosion of 1997.
One Shot George
"Twenty Feet from Stardom" Oscar winner Morgan Neville (right) is back with another music doc: "Keith Richards: Under the Influence". They celebrated at TIFF at Nikki Beach's popup at the Spoke Club.
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The party you wanted to be at on Saturday night: HFPA and InStyle at the Windsor Arms. Zoe Kazan, Paul Dano, and Susan Sarandon at the cross-industry party.
Todd Williamson/Getty Images for HFPA
Carmen Ejogo with "The Danish Girl" lead and reigning Best Actor.
George Pimentel/Getty Images for HFPA
Learn this name: Jacob Tremblay. He stars with Brie Larson in "The Room". One awards commentator called him a "lead pipe cinche" for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nom.
Two rhyming directors in the awards mix: Tom Hooper ("The Danish Girl") and Scott Cooper ("Black Mass").
Todd Williamson/Getty Images for HFPA
The Oscar winning Hooper with his Oscar nominated "The Kings Speech" actor Geoffrey Rush.
Todd Williamson/Getty Images for HFPA
Matt Damon met Torontonians before "The Martian" premiere on Friday night, September 11. Multiple awards commentators said the same thing -- his campaign is "blasting off."
"The Martian" co-star Chiwetel Ejiofor (an Oscar nominee two seasons ago) gives Wireimage founder Jeff Vespa an "Is that so?" at the Guess Portrait Studio on Sept. 11.
Emma McIntyre/Getty Images
WME co-CEO Patrick Whitesell with Jake Gyllenhaal inside Soho House after the "Demolition" premiere on TIFF's opening night. Highly praised, "Demolition" will be looking at Oscars 2017, as it does not arrive in theaters until April 2016.
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Elizabeth Olsen goes "Jaws" on co-star Tom Hiddleston's cake at the Addison on Sept. 11 while celebrating "I Saw the Light," the Hank Williams biopic.
Todd Williamson/Getty Images for Sony Pictures Classics
Meanwhile, Sony Pictures Classics Co-President Tom Bernard was equally loose at the "I Saw the Light" party.
Todd Williamson/Getty Images for Sony Pictures Classics
Cannes hit "Sicario" touched down on Sept. 11 on the west side of the Atlantic. Oscar winner Benicio del Toro leads the cast, which includes Emily Blunt and Josh Brolin. The after party at Soho House was part of Grey Goose's series of high-profile bashes.
Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images
More in Emmys territory than Oscars, the Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott (as well as off-screen bro J.D., left), hosted TIFF honcho Cameron Bailey at the Producers Ball on Friday night of opening weekend.
Mike Windle/Getty Images
Jonathan and Drew Scott taste-test the Level Over and Samsung VR as Oscar contenders filtered through the Samsung space for interviews by Fandango's Dave Karger.
Stephen Lovekin/Variety/REX Shutterstock
Christopher Simon acts like he just married Catherine Hardwicke, whose "Miss You Already" hit the fest.
Buckner/Variety/REX Shutterstock
The scene inside the Guess Portrait Studio on opening weekend.
Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Guess
Naomi Watts and Elle Fanning prepare to take a selfie the morning after Fox Searchlight's "Demolition" opening night festivities.
Buckner/Variety/REX Shutterstock
Fox Searchlight's David Greenbaum with Heather Lind, who plays Julia in "Demolition."
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Chris Cooper also partied at Soho on Thursday night.
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Jason Reitman grips director Jean-Marc Vallee, who previously wowed TIFF with "Dallas Buyers Club" two seasons ago. Reitman is an executive producer on "Demolition."
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Gyllenhaal has a first-look deal with Bold Films (President Gary Michael Walters is center). Denis Villeneuve also made the Soho House after party hosted by Grey Goose.
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Vallee with screenwriter Bryan Sipe. Sipe's script appeared on the Blacklist, the collection of hot unproduced film lit.
Stephanie Keenan/Getty Images for Grey Goose
Grey Goose's global face Joe McCanta (the chemist behind the awards season cocktails) chats with Monica Bacardi at Soho House.
Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images
Oscar winner Jean Dujardin popped in to Fandango and Samsung Galaxy's Studio on Friday.
Stephen Lovekin/Variety/REX Shutterstock
At the Venice Film Festival, Sunrise and Mark Ruffalo celebrated "Spotlight." Moet & Chandon and Chopard threw a bash at PalazzinaG.
Marilynne Mungovan
Dujardin's former co-star in "The Artist," Berenice Bejo, toasted "The Childhood of a Leader" at the Venice Film Festival, with Elizabeth Banks, Odessa Young, and more at the PalazzinaG.
Marilynne Mungovan
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Top pics from inside the bashes as fall festivals and premieres bring out awards contenders, pretenders and hopefuls for the Oscars on February 28, 2016
At Robert Evans' Woodland Estate in Beverly Hills, documentarians huddled to celebrate Brett Morgen and "Montage of Heck" on Thursday, November 5. The intimate crowd of 25 was dense with doc A-listers: Lauren Greenfield ("Queen of Versailles"), Morgen, Amy Berg (upcoming Janis Joplin doc "Janis") and Liz Garbus ("Nina Simone").