“Saturday Night Live” cast member Jeremy Culhane took another spin around the block as conservative commentator Tucker Carlson this weekend on “Weekend Update,” tackling his grievances with the Met Gala (The Rock in a skirt) and problems with “Michael” (the movie’s ending means its titular character “doesn’t get to live a beautiful white life anymore.”)
“Come on, everybody. Let’s all prance around in our $100,000 clown outfits and watch the American Empire crumble,” Carlson began as he spoke about the Met Gala. “What are we doing? What’s going on?”
After being asked by Colin Jost if he enjoyed the night, Carlson explained, “I loved it because when I go to a museum, I don’t want to talk about history. No. I want to look at The Rock in a skirt. Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? Because I do, it’s gender confusion. That’s the goal. That’s the goal now.”
Culhane’s Carlson also decried Madonna’s outfit of choice (“The big pirate ship on her head. And I have to be attracted to this?”) and took a swipe at Heidi Klum.
“Oh yeah, the left has finally gotten what they’ve wanted. They put the Statue of Liberty in a burqa,” he said. “What’s next? Is the Chrysler Building going to become the antichrist-ler Building? What are we doing? Is this the New York we want to live in, Colin?”
Jost replied that Carlson lives in Maine, which set off another tangent that involved an ad for “round bananas.”
The appearance of Met Gala attendee Jafar Jackson, who plays his uncle in “Michael,” also prompted a response from Culhane’s Carlson. “Oh, yes, right. Some people were upset about the movie,” Jost said.
“And they should be. The movie ends in 1988, so obviously they avoided something serious that needs to be acknowledged,” Culhane’s Carlson replied. “The part of Michael Jackson’s life no one wants to talk about anymore. The part when he was a white man. Sorry, kids, Michael Jackson doesn’t get to live a beautiful white life anymore. Who does that remind me of? Oh, that’s right, all of us. ‘Shamona,’ yeah. More like ‘shame on ya.’”
Culhane-as-Carlson and host Colin Jost had time for one more attendee: rapper A$AP Rocky. “Now let’s talk about A$AP Rocky’s outfit. He was on the red carpet — wearing my least favorite color, African American,” the actor deadpanned.
Watch the clip from “Saturday Night Live” in the video above.
